Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
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Top comments
SoCalKay 3
Atleast Rufus isn't exactly small haha
4evaYong21 1
Your life sucks.. Mainly because your penis looks like a naked mole rat. Hahaha
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Comments (115)
Vash_41288 10
Lol there's always a brightside right?
datoismyname 22
Kim Possible got you good!
UrLyfSuxx 0
Tell her, I don't look like Rufus. Rufus looks like Me.
Penguin_swc 0
It sounds like tomorrow night is the time for you to reveal what a big 'Return of the Jedi' fan you are.
xXRiah_GirlXx 9
What is that? That freaky thing! Step back, it's the naked mole rat! C'mon y'all, I can't hear the girlies sing! Listen to the naked mole rat! xD oh yeah. Kim Possible ftw.
imcutefml 0
I think rufus is a bit taller but yea if my gf told me my penis looked like a cartoon id be pissed
yaitsabovavrage 0
Effin Disney channel..
wellnowthatsucks 5
First off, it scares me that you'd mention Disney Channel. Second, I don't care if you 'want it that way'. Above has a ******* 'e' at the end. You wanted me to "get at you", so I did. Ball's in your court, douchebag.
wellnowthatsucks 5
And I didn't mention how you spelled average wrong because I was lazy. Looks like you got off easy.
boredfishing 0
That's what happens when you date girls who are too young. You should avoid pick up lines like "Want some candy?" in the future.
ikickgingers 15
55 - I use that line effectively all the time.
PurpleWaffles 2
Ni noxisuxgk &/) g vms F
katt_is_here 24
So, my posts get moderated because of some obscure rule and this gets passed you guys? SMH.
Azrael9 11
sounds like someone needs a new girl friend. next time pick one up at a bar and not a disney chat room.