Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally forced my husband to go to the doctor's for his chronically itchy arsehole, which he scratches in his sleep, and ends up bleeding all over the sheets. Turns out it’s a fungal infection. Now he has to apply a cream twice a day, which isn’t fun to watch when he does it in the bedroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML
Today, my roommate told me she had developed a rash on her armpits, which causes them to be itchy. The doctor told her the only way to heal it is to not wear deodorant for a month. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to "be a man and deal with it." FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Drag his ass to the doctor, or well, his penis really. Just hold on to it (I recommend wearing gloves) and don't let go until you put him in a chair in the doctor's office. Freaking nasty roommate, yuck. FYL.
capt_awesome1 11
I would not touch any of his personal stuff, or use his sheets/bed !
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Comments (92)
allmidnighteyes 11
Hey now, not everyone can afford medical care...
zarden 0
isn't health care free in Denmark?
allmidnighteyes 11
I have no idea. If it is, OP's roommate might just be ashamed of what ailment might have befallen his penis.
kemando 22
everyone should just live in canada.
CrystalAngel 0
I live in Denmark.. So Jear it's free [:
mystomachurts 3
How is this **** YOUR life? Besides for hearing him whine about it, if you keep the toilet and bath clean its not like you're going to catch anything. Unless you guys share things more than that...
zarden 0
*like* come on over! we've got room!
whoisthisgirl 4
I actually want to move to canada.. nice, peaceful...open. perfect!
aardvarkish 17
12, are you sure they want us all?
alliepocalypse 0
the "ailment" is probably my ex boyfriend's ass.
ollallie 0
sounds like a male yeast infection
Notimetobleed 14
I live in Norway with free health care :)
Hollerz88 1
Yeah, but every guy I know would find a way to pay when it comes to their penis health.
capt_awesome1 11
I would not touch any of his personal stuff, or use his sheets/bed !
afdude87 6
why would he use his sheets/bed?
sarah48_fml 0
^ exactly what I thought..
sivuplay 0
^ because it sounds like the roomate made an elaborate excuse to ********** whenever he wants hahah
breena25 0
mastubaitorrr
breena25 0
I met masturbatrrrrr
Snorlax_Snarf 10
Sure.. For the itching ;)
RebeccaMcQu 6
Why would they use their sheets or bed?
Doortje 30
Drag his ass to the doctor, or well, his penis really. Just hold on to it (I recommend wearing gloves) and don't let go until you put him in a chair in the doctor's office. Freaking nasty roommate, yuck. FYL.
QueenOfBoredom 0
yep just use his dick as the leash nice plan dude
FlyWillis 0
Give him some Lamisil.
kemando 22
yes... use for "itching"...
dre_bro11 12
...and the up and down movement of the foreskin as 'scratching'.
cheex87 0
drag him to the doctor and advise him to practice safe sex next time!
angel55033 12
just think if it's an STD you may get it for sharing bathroom hygiene products, fyl
krazy_glu3 0
just think about how many times he's touched OP with the hand he uses to scratch himself.. maybe the night he woke OP up he shook him with the same hand. gross!! I would disinfect EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
sammy92 0
oh this is so gross. I feel bad fro both of u!
sammy92 0
*for
USAF_girl 3
can anyone say VD?? lol
FMLephant 2
Why was he smelling his penis? At least he didn't have you take a whiff.
bariforlife 0
lol i agree wit your statement and question
lulzaroonie 0
I think if it smells enough, he probably wouldn't need to make an effort to specifically try and smell it DX
Zanzy 0
^ thinking the same. How the f did he smell it. Gross
atomicJ 0
I smell cheeseee
whitedemon_fml 0
why fyl ? more like fhl he's the one with his penis about to fall off ! :o
DjeePee 25
Hey, this is an idea! Just tell him to go to the doctor if he doesn't want to take the risk of his penis falling off.