Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally forced my husband to go to the doctor's for his chronically itchy arsehole, which he scratches in his sleep, and ends up bleeding all over the sheets. Turns out it’s a fungal infection. Now he has to apply a cream twice a day, which isn’t fun to watch when he does it in the bedroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML
Today, my roommate told me she had developed a rash on her armpits, which causes them to be itchy. The doctor told her the only way to heal it is to not wear deodorant for a month. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to "be a man and deal with it." FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Drag his ass to the doctor, or well, his penis really. Just hold on to it (I recommend wearing gloves) and don't let go until you put him in a chair in the doctor's office. Freaking nasty roommate, yuck. FYL.
capt_awesome1 11
I would not touch any of his personal stuff, or use his sheets/bed !
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Comments (92)
Johnnycobra 0
give him a blumpkin
at1325 0
nasty mother ****** what is blowing him while he ***** gonna do to fix this problem? that's just gonna give op whatever the hell disease the roommate has in his mouth. and bumpkins themselves are ******* nasty.
freight48 0
Relax you fat bitch. it's a ******* joke.
cooper1234 0
yeah u should know u have experience
babyblue666 1
do another fml when it falls off
Hevysett88 1
yeast infection
TaTaTanyaHo 5
Do yeast infections usually smell?
aardvarkish 17
55, Yes! I get them all the time. I even have nicknames for the different smells produced by each variety, and at progressive stages of the infection.
TaTaTanyaHo 5
Ewww!
sunnysurfchick 0
I keep wondering he is using that thing in the condition it's in? What creature gave that to him? she must be a real ho.
WhiteZoneRedZone 6
This is why they invented condoms. Anyway, your roommate needs to stop acting like a dick and go to the doctor.
jc302406 3
sounds like herpes to me if it's a white discharge it's ghonarrhea hopefully he wouldn't show that to you ha but I wiled at the health department for a while and some ppl aren't bashful
aback 5
Hand him some liniment.
EvilSpirt 5
Help him rub it so it'll be numb instead
underpaid011 0
lookin for love in all the wrong places will make your dick itch. at least you are not the one with some mystery penis funk / STD. Don't look for love at the strip club.
Taciturnbadger 0
Maybe he'll pay attention when his wanker falls off.