Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to come if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
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Top comments
alex_622 22
Sorry OP. Maybe she wasn't worth it then
RedCityScapes 5
She denied moaning? You both have ears- that was a dumb excuse. She may have been embarrassed, but that was an overreaction on her part.
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Comments (107)
sjbartholome 14
this is why you should tape the event ... yeah this is the only reason you should do that
sjbartholome 14
I guess 3 people don't understand humor
spatula232 25
I guess 3 people have morals
Khaleesi_26 30
If she was faking, maybe it was for the best. Who knows what else she might fake.
Mauskau 36
Oh no she faked a moan, she must be faking the relationship too.
Khaleesi_26 30
Whoa no no need to get your feathers in a bunch. All im saying is that if she wasn't into it she could have said so. Instead of faking and making matters worse. Needing to fake things in a relationship=problems. Evidence is in the FMl.
xxrogerthatxx 19
56/14 you are so right. People who can't keep it 100 about little things have potential to lie about bigger, more important things.
oreoeater 21
#56 FMI! **** My Intercourse!
itsjustsofunny 17
She was insulted that you didn't like her fake moan. She probably put a lot of work into it.
buckdharma 38
I bet she's the same girl who screams before the nurse gives her a needle.
TiaBug 13
This. I appreciate your comment.
kurodansei 16
So... you can definitely get a girl to genuinely moan before you put it in. It's called foreplay and FYL first time just won't be perfect.
spamhands1 18
Unlucky mate, better luck next time
grtfuldeadlovr 27
Your a moron
Sirin_fml 47
I'll see if I can hook you up with the OP, then. Judging by your comment, you both could be soulmates. God knows his current girlfriend isn't THE ONE!!!1!1
strike2867 13
Strong words from someone that doesn't know the difference between your and you're.
laden_swallow09 35
Says the one who can't be bothered to insert an apostrophe and an E in a word. It's two damn keystrokes, FFS!
omi194 8
I agree with all the foreplay comments. She was obviously into it. I think you were reading into it too much. Plus I'm sure being told your moaning is annoying or stupid is way more of a turn off than your girlfriend moaning. She's probably embarrassed that you didn't like sex with her. Honestly I think she deserves an FML more than you. "Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time and I was really getting into it until he went soft and told me it was cause I was obviously so much more into than him and making too much noise. FML."
ChildrenOfFilth 12
There's nothing wrong with telling someone that they're making too much noise. Believe me, too much noise is very distracting and can put anyone out of the mood in an instant.
xxrogerthatxx 19
So... girls put a lot of pressure on themselves when the dude gets soft? To where she wouldn't believe it was because of her "fake moaning"?
omi194 8
Just saying that I can see why his girlfriend got upset. Nobody likes to be told they're doing things wrong. It's easy to blame yourself and feel like you're not good enough when put in those embarrassing situations.
laden_swallow09 35
Yeeeaaaah, she's making up excuses to hide her own insecurities.
kittycat2007 18
um what? Not sure if hes just too green to know that things other his **** can feel good or if his gf is just a bad actor/liar. Either way, ya'll sound too young to be having sex