Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML
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Top comments
xxmel 6
You lied, so now you have to put up with the consequences.
purpadurp 6
So many levels of fail -_-
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Comments (187)
LadyGore 12
Laugh my ******* ass off. "Lmao" didn't seem good enough to express my emotions.
lolfood 24
Actually, that would be "lmfao"
auzz1_pride 9
37) you're an idiot, enough said.
carbon_elf 0
Laughing* not laugh.
LadyGore 12
It doesn't matter wether I use pretense or future tense both can be grammatically correct, actually.
pixie4 1
Ydi for befriending crackheads
Sophia32Sage 0
H
Ray_of_midnight 23
YDI for being a pathological liar and for having friends who are crackheads.
soad2014 7
"Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie..."
patacus 14
you need better friends
LuckyLynx7732 5
If you have crackheads for friends I think lying about a few bruises is the least of your problems.
CinnamonRugby 5
You lied, now prepare to walk the plank!
solosohigh 15
you need to learn to laugh at yourself instead of being embarrassed when you do stupid stuff.
Calyx_fml 22
Your "friends" are not your friends. They are the pipe's friends. You are just a tool. Leave them and stay off the pipe.