Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, I was in a hurry trying to get into my locker, but it stuck. After a few frustrating attempts, I finally managed to get it open. In anger, I threw the door open, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. My natural reflex was to jerk forward, giving myself a black eye from the hook inside. I got in a fight with my locker and lost. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML
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Top comments
blackheart24 10
Thats when you say, "You should see the other guy."
sillycart 9
It's like sponge bob when he can't get his toothpaste open with a wrench and the toothpaste cap hit his eye and he makes up a bunch of lies that he beat someone up.
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Comments (92)
lolololer 8
what they don't know won't hurt them OP!
llamafish 25
Noooo!!! OP must tell them the truth, lest they get beaten by the doorknobs as well... They're watching us all...
Jiplo 18
Hey, we don't know if OP was in a fight and the other guy smacked his head into a door, therefore giving OP a black eye via doorknob. But who knows? I'm just a random internet person, and so are you. But still, it had to hurt either way, even though tripping into a doorknob is much more humiliating than getting your head smacked into one in a fight. And who knows? Maybe the guy OP "fought" had a gym membership? I'm gonna stop here before I start saying random crap... ;)
IphonFML 6
I dunno... I'd rather tell them it was a doorknob than have them think I got beat up.
fromoverthere 7
unless it's a doorknob
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
Doornob abuse is no laughing matter. Lies and stories will not keep the truth covered for long. Speak out about your doornob abuse... Call now: 1-800-555-3475
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
Doorknob* excuse my typo's
blackheart24 10
Thats when you say, "You should see the other guy."
failgamer 7
Stranger: "what happened?" Victim: "I got into a fight with a doorknob, it went for a cheap shot."
Jiplo 18
The "other guy" for me was a soccer ball, from when I was 10. Soccer balls hurt when kicked, hard, and hit you square in the eye, especially if the kicker is only a yard away from you.
lolipop1234_fml 7
Awh I hate when things like that happen
I_lost_the_game 25
I doubt this has happened to you 3. Stop using that phrase, it's over used.
lolipop1234_fml 7
I did receive a black eye from an inanimate object recently and kept getting asked what happened. So yeah I kinda do hate when it happens...
lolipop1234_fml 7
Also number 6 I said I hate when things like that happen. Things like that happen alot.
ohmandapants 17
6- #1-I curse you for making me lose the game. #2- she said she hates it when things LIKE that happen. As in, things similar to OP's situation. And I don't understand what's so hard to believe.
Jiplo 18
55- not worth arguing with idiots, just leave it be.
blueyama 1
How...?
ripresno 10
When a doorknob visiously attacks someone
CryMoreFMLs 15
You trip over your feet and your face hits the... A) edge of the door B) door knob C) your hand as you flail to the ground
llamafish 25
D) All of the above
ladyLALAA 29
Maybe OP's girlfriend punched him and he's even scared to tell FML... This could be a cry for help people!
Jiplo 18
(please read in a Billy Mays voice, as a tribute to him) OP! Listen closely- don't let your gf threaten you, she may one day kill you! If you act fast, you can SURVIVE! Please call 1-800-FINISHHER for more information. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! If you call now, you'll get a FRE, that's right, FREE, "Don't mess with me!" button! But hurry, this is a limited time offer! So act fast!
micahsmommy 13
Unless you're extremely short how were you attacked by a door knob?
dominic1221 6
They aren't all low down on the door like in America. Try being less ignorant.
I_lost_the_game 25
He tripped and fell on it? Bent down to pick something up and caught his eye on the knob on the way up?
ripresno 10
On the way up from being bent over that means you'd have to be looking up to hit it I'm just a little confused
failgamer 7
Dominic shut up, "like in America," im sick of that bullcrap that people say about america, we risk our lives for other countries, we save millions of lives, we have our downsides, but we have more upsides, shut your mouth
micahsmommy 13
Guess I figured I'd hit my head before my eye if I fell. And #15 I've lived in four different countries and visited several more, never had a door knob at eye level unless you count when I was four years old.
dominic1221 6
23- I bet you personally do jack shit and try to claim your soldiers sacrifices as your own. I said America cause she's from America and most doors in your country have knobs low down, which is why she made her comment in the first place. Way to use my comment as an excuse to start worshipping your country and jacking off to your own nationalism. 24- so you've never seen one like that then. Next time google it and you'll see lots of examples. Simple enough.
staymintyfresh 13
Why would door knobs be up high?
hotPinklipstick 24
23- We as a country do not risk our lives for other countries. There are millions of people in America that are against the wars we put ourselves in. Truthfully sometimes I wish America would stay out of other countries business. We have too many problems of our own (recession, hunger, low job availability, problems with government, etc) to be trying to tell other countries that they are wrong and invading them pushing our beliefs of how things should be run. Yes America is a great country to live in because we have opportunities other countries don't, but don't make it sound like America is the greatest because it's not.
bball234 6
it's an opinion, although i definitely believe that the united states is the best place to live in the world. what i dont get is why those that dont think that live here? go where you think is best. simple as that.
hotPinklipstick 24
40- I love being an American and I love my country I just don't understand why we point out sawdust in another countries eye when we have a plank in ours.
thisiscat 14
Ok, America has a tremendous influence over countries around the world, be it positive or negative. Countries that may have things such as " higher up door knobs" do not have a large amount of influence over America, nor has many citizens ever been their. So my question is why would "Us Americans" seem ignorant for not knowing facts such as that?
MisterEx 28
48- Thank you, thank you, thank you. 23- I am from a country your country is "saving millions of lives" and "helping" and "sacraficing" for. Don't worry about America's well being. After you guys perfectly **** up my country, steal it's wealth, destroy it's cities and kill it's helpless newborns, women and men. The bunch of low life criminals you call soldiers will return home and you will be able to enjoy your "freedom and wealth and raise puppies" after eliminating the "terrorists" and assuring the well being of your Zion god. Brainwashed ignorant shit.
Jewlz1162 5
You trip and hit your eye with doorknob while falling to the ground
Kayla8795 2
I'm short :(
sillycart 9
It's like sponge bob when he can't get his toothpaste open with a wrench and the toothpaste cap hit his eye and he makes up a bunch of lies that he beat someone up.
fueledbyshar 0
Exactly what I thought when I read this fml.
nofearjenshere 12
Jack M. Crazyfish.
buck33 14
Rock paper scissors
sillycart 9
Awesome
john443 5
"licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets" Though in this case he wasn't licking them... I don't think
MsConfusedd 27
Lie to the death!
xJackson 1
I think we have a midget on our hands!
MsConfusedd 27
Well that was rude.
nofearjenshere 12
11 - Not necessarily. But so what if it is? Short people are awesome! (:
mrtjawesome 14
Come at me bro! *conk* *WHOOPEE*
failgamer 7
Conk and whopee? How do those sound anything like OP's situation?
btnhdude 0
Conk sounds like a nose would be hitting the doorknob Whoopee seems like something Mario would say
gonad_gobbler 1
Say that you took on three people at once and that your swollen eye was the only damage you took, then everyone will....adoor you
LMA0 5
Wood you please tell me how you come up with your jokes?