Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xxmel 6
You lied, so now you have to put up with the consequences.
purpadurp 6
So many levels of fail -_-
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (187)
bobbeta30 14
Why are you hanging out with crack addicts? It's difficult to feel bad for you.
OncomingStorm 4
I studied at prydon on Galifrey! You?
g0ldenb0nes 6
I don't feel bad for you in any way what so ever OP.
NothernNightmare 18
Not even a little bad that OP suffered so much pain from plywood boards?
g0ldenb0nes 6
Nope
auzz1_pride 9
How heartless of you 16, I know what it feels like to get hit with something similar to plywood, and I gotta say it doesn't feel good :L
g0ldenb0nes 6
All sympathy for the OP is lost after reading the full FML.
auzz1_pride 9
Oh thank god, I was starting to think you had no sympathy to begin with.
maxisis_fml 6
Good luck with your friends using you like that. You are going to need it.
perdix 31
Why the phony story? DId you tell people how it really happened and they got board?
Ray_of_midnight 23
He just wanted to seem like a stud, but got nailed.
perdix 31
She saw his wood, and it didn't cut it.
BunchieRules 31
I guess that's when he realized fake stories aren't all they're cracked up to be.
Halti 4
legend
Axipiter 24
You actually failed before you got smacked by some planks by hanging out with crackheads who would use you. Step one, find new friends. Step two, stop trying to look tough, pussy.
22cute 17
I wish I could thumb you up more than once
Axipiter 24
Thank you good sir. I wasn't sure if the addition of the word "pussy" at the end would make me seem like a meathead, but it was definitely warranted.
Xotoolyxo 16
Never heard of this fetish
Revan501 15
What the hell? O.0
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
The FML talked about getting intimate with boards.
NIRVANA1990s 1
WHY PLYWOOD?! are you THAT desperate?!
insanexnh 13
One lie leads to another. Good luck trying to break that chain.
mizuki123 8
Look out we got a "badass" over here. Ydi for trying to act cool to your 'friends'. Why not tell them what really happened?
auzz1_pride 9
Because his friends will probably get high then shit bricks at OP?
zandalee 20
Seriously? How old are you? 10?
LadyGore 12
Obviously not if his friends are bring him to score crack.
mariah_victoria 0
Lol right!