Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
That's when you ask her politely to stop the car. Then you get out and jump off the dock. Seriously, if parents don't want to hear about their kids' sexual exploits, they shouldn't share their own. Especially one where mom gets poked in the ass.
ilovefall10 21
Oh that's lovely.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (197)
qwtf 14
Did he pull the splinter out for her before continuing? Lol
lil_ham1644 29
He WAS the splinter.
Serna1212 0
Tmi
SkoomaKi 28
Not enough I reckon. Just think of that splinter ripping and tearing the inside of her rectum making her bleed over her boyfriend's dick. Ahhh tis a truly beautiful image! ^.^
Jakesterk96 8
Terrible mental image
SkoomaKi 28
Mission Accomplished.
Jakesterk96 8
Actually I was defining what TMI meant but it works both ways.
RedmontFief 7
87-That's weird I always knew it as too much info. But I guess they both apply....>.< Also, 12, both of your comments FAIL.
Jakesterk96 8
Tmi stands for too much info but we commentators like to give alternative meanings.
gooberz69 0
Wtf?????
Urbanchiller 0
Rephrase! .. Dafuq.
zingline89 18
That wasn't the first time your mom had wood in her poop chute.
Llamacod 11
Might have been the first, but it most definitely wasn't the last
mexican613 3
Respect
jwebster 8
Haha. Your mom get more tail than you
5t3ff1k4h 47
No. Just because she commented about one time doesn't mean the kid's not getting any.
KiddNYC1O 22
I bet you get a lot of baboon ass, 17.
pagullarka 9
Should've asked, am I the result of that shenanigan.
coffee_man900 16
Right, he/she should have. WHO'S YOUR DADDY? :)
molliepop19 5
Maybe that's how you were made.
fishface517 10
Sure she wasn't joking? Sometimes people can be weird and joke about stuff like that.
molliepop19 5
What person could come up with that on their own?
ContractedTyler 0
A lot.
ksquidette 2
Pretty sure she would know her own moms jokes...
loserman67 36
There are some things in life that cannot be undone. This my friend is one of them. Good luck trying to sleep tonight with images of your mother laying on the dock getting her brains ****** out by "some guy", standing up, crying about a splinter in her in her ass, Her ass with the little red lines from the cracks between the boards on the dock. Then climbing into the back of the guy's car, putting her legs behind her ears and getting finished off. Insomnia here you come!
Zomg_Okay 27
Why did I read your comment? ;_; Now I won't get any sleep either.
molliepop19 5
You just made it much worse.
SiriusBlack97 17
Well said
Girlybanana 2
Too much visual, you were the guy she ******, weren't you?
MakaPaka_fml 0
I got kinda horny from reading this >_