Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That's when you ask her politely to stop the car. Then you get out and jump off the dock. Seriously, if parents don't want to hear about their kids' sexual exploits, they shouldn't share their own. Especially one where mom gets poked in the ass.
ilovefall10 21
Oh that's lovely.
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Comments (197)
ragnorak6801 0
Ha ha love it
badactor009 0
Huh, I always wondered what happened to that girl on the dock with a splinter in her ass that I finished off in the car. Is she still giving BJs in the school parking lot?
pattyps36 1
TMI-- There are some things you do not share with your kids! You're her daughter not a close friend.
perdix 31
Hint: Get your own ******* car!!! Keep bumming rides from her, and she'll tell you in detail how your dad eats pussy. Get a used Corolla or you won't be able to afford all the therapy you'll need!
Zombiegore420 0
LOLOL.
dalilpanther 5
Oh so you have one of THOSE parents...
cookie_crumble89 11
Ew
xXtricksXx 0
Now y would your mom point this out to you. Is she trying to scar you? That sucks op
chosha_fml 27
Wow, that is some superlative TMI.
GimmeFive 10
At least she's honest with u