Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
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Top comments
barrelroll1472 0
Dracula?
nicknesser 0
I knew Twilight was a problem, just didn't know it was this serious. We're all screwed.
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Comments (159)
freshflyfine 0
LIES!!!!
canzo378 0
why does she still live in the house and not in psycho ward?
baseballgirl25 6
be happy she didn't try to have sex with one of ur friends.. hey I'm just sayen it could have been much worse.
Cassiebangz 0
lmfao ur mom is hilarious!!!
TechnoWizard 0
I've had a similar situation. I feel for you.
buggybeauty 0
I don't know what to say- call dr. Phil.
steph87_fml 0
your mom knows how to party!!!
winslow310560 0
thank you #32, her grammar is on the poor side. Then again OP does have a mother who bites people while intoxicated.
boy_scout_of_dea 0
i'm in Maryland right now =(
RoadDoggCR 0
hot