Are people really this self delusional? Honestly, have you never thought about an ex after your relationship ended? Can you just turn off those feelings when you and your significant other broke up? Even if only for a moment? What he did was wrong, but let's be real and realize that he's not human if he is unable to care.

Okay. but OP is married. Not at the end of a relationship.

I agree with 131, yes people may think about there ex from time to time but you shouldn't be thinking about them when having sex with your husband/wife

Something tells me you're defending yourself in defending him... Have feelings for an ex maybe?

This is why lots of men are losing faith in women. girls are scream "jerk!" over something you THINK about. Jesus, so emotional.

44, I know right!? You can't assume the guy's a jerk just because he made an actual mistake. I'm sure he's sorry! Now, if he cheated on his girlfriend, you could call him a jerk.

If he is thinking about an ex whilst making love to his wife he clearly would rather be in bed with his ex. In my mind that is cheating.

Wow, I sincerely feel sorry for any guy who has to date someone as ignorant and close-minded as you.

yep well im not any of those things. i treat my boyfriends right and they treat me well back. i feel sorry for you putting up with guys like that who use you for sex when they would rather be with someone else.

89 got owned!

Kitten, your ignorance shows that you have obviously not been treated right by a man. It's like a woman saying, "Well he yells at me and calls me a bitch but at least he doesn't hit me." It would still be abuse. Emotional abuse is just as bad a physical abuse, perhaps worse because people don't always believe you. Emotional cheating is the same thing as using someone. He married the woman she should be the one he wants. Why is he wasting her time, lying to her, making her feel like a fool when he is thinking about his ex? Yea, that's love right there.

Flutist, equating what this OP did with physical abuse is one of the most despicable things I've ever heard on this site. Even extreme naïveté should have some basic, common-sense limits.

Actually I wasn't equating saying her name to physical abuse, I was using the example of physical vs. emotional for a reason. Emotional abuse still happens but people tend to ignore it. Physical abuse is easier to see. Physical cheating is easier to see, especially if you walk in on them. But emotional cheating is not something you can always see and it hurts the person just as much. So, no, my example had a point. In my opinion cheating is a form of abuse unless you are somehow allowed to have an open relationship -- then it isn't cheating so much as being a swinger. He is emotionally cheating on her.