Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
Lifes_a_bust 0
What beat do you use?
Betz 10
Did you grunt too?
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Comments (119)
Calyx_fml 22
At least you weren't trying to do a Keith Jarrett impersonation.
muFilter 19
With what? The toilet?! Oh gawd...
tnttse 6
'I was drumming I swear!' 'sure you were...'
hockeyoceancity 13
Thanks for the new excuse for me OP! Also well if they think you are jerking it, maybe you should, you got nothing to lose now!
adammolioni 0
Masturbating in rhythm
tehdarkness 21
Shoulda let out a loud one... They will either go away or wait for you to come out so they can hi 5 you for multitasking. Actually, never mind. They won't want to touch your hand.
daydreamer244 13
Fap fap fap.
Coby1996 0
Haha
carolinesixx 0
Hahahaha :) this just made my day!!
MyWorldAway 0
You should have walked out with a big smile and OMG I Feel so much better :)
GeeUnit 8
That's hilarious!