Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
Lifes_a_bust 0
What beat do you use?
Betz 10
Did you grunt too?
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Comments (119)
aFreedom127 9
So did you "drum" yourself to a happy ending?
CanadianCutie22 16
haha good job !
ICastillo 25
People were probably thinking this kid beats a good rhythm.
loveistwisted 10
Masturbating at a musical rhythm? You win.
Nukorav 2
When you are leaving the stall continue the beat, so people can see that you were not masturbating.
groupleader 7
Oh, they knew what you were doing.
GSXRryders 2
Wish I could ********** with rhythm ...
hateevryone 15
Lol you didn't think about that didn't you?
mosquito19 14
thats a good one, I drummed twice yesterday
nanxi 30
Am I the only one who drummed their thighs out of curiosity after reading this?
hockeyoceancity 13
I compared them both to find out if they sound alike, they do.
CaptainBlack 18
I seriously don't understand this haha. It never makes any noise for me, maybe I'm just a pro at being stealthy idk. What even makes noise at all? Your hand hitting your leg?