Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
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Top comments
Lifes_a_bust 0
What beat do you use?
Betz 10
Did you grunt too?
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Comments (119)
OttersIsAwesome 8
You drum with your thighs? Wow, you must be a master musician.
bigdog57_fml 9
That happened to me...only I was in Walmart and I got the manager called on me
reddudeover 2
I bet you were drumming "I can't get no satisfaction". (:,
AzWolf 5
If you were drumming the solo in Wipeout, I doubt they would think you were wanking. If you were drumming a steady beat like the beat to a waltz then maybe.
muFilter 19
You fap in 3/4? Awesome.
Vociferouslife 4
How is this FML worthy? I think the "moderators" are higher than Jean Claude Van Damme in "Sudden Death."
ManInTheMachine 20
After the moderators finish voting on FMLs, the Staff choose which ones to publish. So essentially you're saying that the FML Staff don't know how to do their job?
Pandacupcakelove 26
Awks :/ oh well, they're the ones with the dirty minds! ;)
AgaveLoco 5
No problem! Both are private activities!
jojimugo 20
The old " I was drumming my thigh" excuse huh
julz91 3
I did that one time too...
uumlaut_strohson 3
did your mom have "that" talk with you and leave you with lotion, tissues and mcnuggets?