NSFW: Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend...

Anonymous 5 December 2010, 05:09 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

79 comments

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

morethanredhands 21 May 2012, 05:56 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

119 comments

Anonymous user 9 August 2018, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

16 comments

Fraser 8 March 2012, 19:03 Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Play it cool

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

285 comments

Anonymous 24 February 2012, 19:18 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

210 comments

Anonymous 27 May 2019, 00:14 🌶️ Spicy

Lock your doors

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

10 comments

fuck 22 January 2020, 14:00 Airdrie, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Late reaction

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

11 comments

theassman 11 March 2009, 04:42 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

136 comments

Noname 12 March 2009, 11:24 New Zealand 🌶️ Spicy

Stop talking!

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

221 comments

xsnqw 19 January 2016, 22:28 San Francisco, United States

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

32 comments

Cynical 30 March 2009, 03:49 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML