Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Lifes_a_bust 0
What beat do you use?
Betz 10
Did you grunt too?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (119)
mylifesucks9797 4
That isn't really any of their business, they shouldn't be listening to people pee anyway that's just weird
immaMonsta 8
I think you need better reading comprehension. The FML says nothing about peeing.
Enslaved 38
Were you drumming Billy Squire's "The Stroke".
perdix 31
Yes, and then going right into The Divinyls' "I Touch Myself."
RedCrow 0
And ending with, "I wanna **** a dog in the ass." by blink 182
manjyMonkey 2
Ha ha that's funny
whennotlooking 0
Oh god I do that too... I wonder what my family thinks...
auzz1_pride 9
You never here them snickering when you are? If not then you are fine, btw I know everyone hates when people say this but your picture suits your comment on so many levels.
geko911 22
Hear* I'm not usually a nazy on those things but that one just came in my face...
zack11742 7
70 you spelled nazi wrong
sleepinginclass 8
It came in his face....
philbelfrage 13
I always do that at home, and everytime I leave the bathroom I get the most judgmental stares from my family. If I explain to them they'll think it's just a poor excuse. I would stop but it's just a habit. The drumming on my thighs thing that is...not beating my meat.
WitchyArmyWife00 0
Nazi
auzz1_pride 9
70) I'm sorry, I typed hear wrong and it auto corrected it to here
omfgshiz 7
Your FML made my day OP.. Heehee.. :'D but then again I doubt people will think that you're masturbating.. Lol.
ManInTheMachine 20
They DID think he was masturbating. That's the whole point of this FML.
ConesOfDeath 0
Ok 22, I'm really curious what that tower is but private messages aren't available on iOS. Please explain xD
Eila1996 5
41- I think the tower is made out of pizza boxes. But I could be wrong.
js9811 2
Lame!
ManInTheMachine 20
Just like your comment!
auzz1_pride 9
Damn you 35, I was just thinking of that when I saw this comment :L
perdix 31
Don't flatter yourself. They probably thought you were just a shitty drummer.
reddudeover 2
"Pervert!, learn how to double bass mother ******".
lonkite101 14
Sucks to be you....
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Says the hairless chihuahua.
fuckyeahkass 9
Why would someone stand outside the bathroom listening to what you're doing? :/
K_kanaka 26
Hey here's the good news no one will ever use that stall and it will always be exclusively yours to use. Isn't that great :D