Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML
Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML
Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML
Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML
Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
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Top comments
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
wow, I would have giggled to myself has I made up some story to the cops and had him hauled away.
CateXOX 0
It adds extra grip- he's doing you a favor.
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Comments (140)
DropDead77 11
first!
DropDead77 11
oh yeah and ydi for riding a bike
rachm15 0
that's funny and so true
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
wow, I would have giggled to myself has I made up some story to the cops and had him hauled away.
Yung23 0
agreed
Aim4thebullseye 4
piss in a bucket then toss it over him
ButtRaep 0
then take a dump on his face
AsianCookie247 14
gross.
6969awesome 0
Eat infront of him
MizzErikaHart 8
bad idea... the homeless isn't hungry or he wouldn't have wasted his boogers
khaya 9
The only way to solve this problem is to take a piss on the closest bench to the homeless man.
callofduty4life 0
That's not cool. thr homeless guys life is already effed up as it is. i would let a homeless man put boogers on my bike. i would have obtained the greatest gift of all: A homeless mans laughter.
MissBunny25 0
slap that hobo
ImaWiseGuy 5
is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a hobo......
ImaWiseGuy 5
is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a hobo......
ImaWiseGuy 5
jail over boogers? maturity has prevailed in your thought process.....
esu 5
that man had a good sense of humor
Jvr91 8
I would wipe it off and go but if he asked for a handout I would punch him in the head
BellyDancinCheer 0
i totally agree!
BrotherThomas 0
why were you riding a bike to a "nice dinner out"?
FMLsOhilarious 6
#135 Why does it matter what OP was riding? Does OP have to drive a car just to eat out? Sheesh...
CateXOX 0
It adds extra grip- he's doing you a favor.
Tatertotz515 0
Ewww
CryMoreFMLs 15
Ugh, you're disgustin an so is this freakin' hobo....
JojoChuo 8
Thank goodness I don't like riding bikes :)
ChantelRenaeee 0
he really shouldn't be wasting his dinner by wiping it on peoples' bikes. tsk tsk.
MakeAScene 4
Hahaha.
docscientist 10
Beetlejuice?
PeteyPablo12308 20
Lmfao!!! Also ew.
DropDead77 11
Cuz your a fag, not the gay kind
5chadenfreude 6
Well I don't think your life sucks but you didn't deserve that anyway so no voting from me. Stalemate.
TheDrifter 24
Sure op deserved it. Bicycle riding Berkeley hippies deserve anything done to them by those they advocate government programs for but refuse to personally help. You messed with him and he's returning the favor. Should have given him the dollar.
itzthomas 0
56, 1. How do you know it's a bicycle, it could very well be a motorcycle and OP just calls it a bike.(I know people who say bike when referring to a motorcycle. For example someone I know says "Im going for a bike ride) meaning motorcycle. 2. It doesn't say anywhere in the post about not giving the homeless man money. In fact it doesn't even mention that OP previously encountered the homeless man. But on the other hand, what your saying can be true. We will never know the full story.
muchagente 5
keep it in mind. the day you are homeless yourself you might want some ideas for non-expensive fun. live and learn, thats what i say.
Urklee 0
Go read IT by Stephan King you wont joke about clowns or the buggy man ever again ;)
supertacowaffle 41
ew
MakeAScene 4
He deserves a falcon punch.
vivek585 5
I second that and wow you look hot!
cptmorgan15 2
I don't know if you realised, but her age says 16 and yours says 25... Now where I'm from that's creepy and illegal.
ryrywakaka 0
nine years lol is all good
iRCassxD 0
Lol'd at 38.
MizzErikaHart 8
well her profile says she like trains so maybe he just read that n not the birthday.
snoot 0
YOUR CREEPY
MissBunny25 0
38 is my hero. hey, 34, that might work better if you offer her some candy first. then, show her your sweet ride. (by that I mean your creepy, white pedo van)
nitaaxboo 0
go 38 your a life saver!!
TaylorTotsYumm 10
In his mouth, of course.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Posted in the wrong place. :c
docscientist 10
47 keeps his right eye covered during thr day so he can use it to more easily spot pirate attacks from the sea at night.
Vagabond89 0
Rolf totally agree