Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

Basic communication

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML

PTSD

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML

Today, a homeless man bathed himself in the restroom at my coffee shop in West LA. He locked himself in there for a good twenty minutes. The lingering smell was so strong that my other coworker vomited. Thanks to what is apparently a relatively strong gag reflex, I got to clean up. FML

Stay classy

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML