Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck. I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I got up at 2 AM to grab a snack. I quietly crept down the stairs, only to find my dad, mom, and a couple of their friends having a secret poker game. Now they think I have a sleepwalking problem. FML
Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML
Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML
Today, I discovered that I am going to the store, buying junk food, and eating it almost every night… entirely in my sleep. So much for being healthy and not dying in my forties. FML
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Top comments
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
damn. you might just want to give up and listen to your sub conscious. sounds like it's winning anyways...
badbe 0
haha you poor thing
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Comments (80)
badbe 0
haha you poor thing
dre_bro11 12
#1, it doesn't sound too bad for OP, she has her whole family supporting her through this tough time, including their pets!
khaya 9
What were you dreaming about? Either way it seems like you ate it.
JojoChuo 8
Lol, atleast OP had her dosage of ice cream her body craves >)
indiana585_fml 0
hi
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
damn. you might just want to give up and listen to your sub conscious. sounds like it's winning anyways...
mfmylifesrsly 30
Noooo she shouldn't! OP have them put a lock on your fridge, or better yet tie yourself to your bed. lol this reminds me when my ex would drive to jack in the box at 1am while he was on ambien (a pill that helps you sleep, bit if you fight it you basically are a massive drunk who cant remember anything they did) so he would call me and be like "I don't know how I got here!! :(" lmao
primadonna9396 16
One of my meds used to make me sleep-eat (and a whole bunch of other odd/dangerous things that aren't relevant here) - It only used to really happen when i went to bed on an empty stomach. Conventional dieting wisdom says not to eat close to your bedtime, but there's no medical reason to do that if it doesn't work for you.
braceletsandhell 7
You might want to start making lifestyle choices instead of just dieting.
DjeePee 25
This sounds like the start of a comedy...
CateXOX 0
A bad comedy.
ChantelRenaeee 0
agreed^
insanesna1l 0
Matt LeBlanc should star
C6Racer 0
Your mom.
RileyFerrari 0
A FELLOW PASTAFARIAN!
DropDead77 11
Maybe your just really high, I find myself doing the same thing :)
jordypaige11 0
that's bad you know.
Insane_Tea 15
Drop Dead I know what you mean. I got the need to feed allll the time, if you know what i'm saying.
itsnikki 0
you're comment was posted on 4/20/11..it's still 4/19/11 :O future boy
ChantelRenaeee 0
hahaha sorry but that's preeeeeetty funny. but good luck with the diet!
arandomer 0
haha, you know what's crazy... the fact that her ice cream is kept in her fridge...
bgo7 0
hahaaha!!! that's CRAZY!
insanesna1l 0
no, crazy would be if they were naked and masturbating with the food
ChantelRenaeee 0
huh
Cinn_fml 23
Sorry, but that's kinda funny. But I imagine it also kinda sucks, but there might be something that you can do. Or rework your diet plans.
TheDrifter 24
Did I read it wrong? When the op wrote diet plans I interpreted it as the op was about to begin a diet and that was enough to force her compulsive eating to express itself in her sleep. Time to lock either the bedroom door or the fridge either way though.
Cinn_fml 23
Drifter, I read it as that the OP'd already started their diet and was hungry/craving during their sleep. But I see your point, which could also be true. But it might be that they could edit them a bit, either by going for a less extreme change, or something.
Krilleee 5
hahaha made my day!
iLazy 0
Wow that sucks. Doubt recharging your diet would work since you will target all those delicious food which is also quite sinful.
MakeAScene 4
The fact that your brain knows where the fridge is and where the food is contained, subconsciously, is pretty bad. Fyl.
grizzly260 0
No actually that's just basic neurology. what do you think your subconscious stores directions to Oz or the fridge/ kitchen?
Slashbat 0
complete moron. if you've lived in a house for even a relatively short amount of time you will be able to find your way around it, awake or asleep