Today, as well as for the past week, my cat finds immeasurable joy in knocking eggs of the counter and staring at me as I clean the mess. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML
Today, my cat has a new hobby: She goes fishing. As in she catches the frogs out of the ornamental pond, then walks into my freshly mopped kitchen with dripping wet, muddy feet. FML
Today, I got tired of my cat trying to open the bag that contains his food when he literally has food in his bowl, so I put the bag on a high shelf he can't reach. Since then, he's been giving me all sorts of dirty looks whenever we're in the same room, to try and make me feel bad. FML
Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML
Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
It's like you're living in the black and white "Before" portion of an infomercial for refrigerators. "Tired of your cat knocking all the eggs, cheeses, fruit, and meat off your counters? Wish there was a way to keep milk good for more than a day? Want your produce illuminated by a tiny light each time you open a door?
runswithlions 3
Well...stop leaving them on the counter lol especially if you're not able to keep an eye out enough for it to become a problem. My cat is like that too. You usually have to turn your senses up a notch because they're going to test you.
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Comments (26)
runswithlions 3
Well...stop leaving them on the counter lol especially if you're not able to keep an eye out enough for it to become a problem. My cat is like that too. You usually have to turn your senses up a notch because they're going to test you.
RichardPencil 32
Your cat is just protecting you from Salmonella. A refrigerator can do that job better and with less mess, you Darwin Award candidate, you!
Kavrae 1
This is only true of washed (store-bought) eggs in the United States. Farm bought (unwashed) eggs or those in non-US countries are better off left on the counter.
RichardPencil 32
How can it be better being left at room temperature? I can see where some eggs may have a low risk of food-borne pathogens, but it always seems to be safer keeping it at low temperature.
OhYouAreOffended 11
they don't remove the natural outside layer that protects the eggs using bleach
clair_brodie 35
I did not believe it until looking it up. Apparently, yes fresh eggs do not need to be refrigerated. Unless you wash them, then they should be.
katluvr 22
It's important to remember the point that Kavrae made: in the US you can't buy unwashed eggs from stores. So they NEED to be refrigerated!
Tripartita 45
It's like you're living in the black and white "Before" portion of an infomercial for refrigerators. "Tired of your cat knocking all the eggs, cheeses, fruit, and meat off your counters? Wish there was a way to keep milk good for more than a day? Want your produce illuminated by a tiny light each time you open a door?
manofmerr 27
Im sold. Who do i give my credit card too?
Tripartita 45
Simply dial seven digits formed by ranking the numbers from most to least favorite! But hurry, wait too long and we'll throw this second fridge at you for free!
becca9985 34
If your cat's been doing this for a week and you haven't done something to fix the problem, you kind of deserve it.
PhoenixChick 26
It may be because I'm in a bad mood, but I think your cats are on to something. That sounds like fun.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
get rid of the cat
Catdragon 40
get rid of your dick
species4872 20
I guess neither of you saw that coming.
species4872 20
Strange, that should have gone to the previous FML.
species4872 20
The cat's looking for Humpty Dumpty.
Lexyy17 18
Way fix, put the eggs in the fridge until you are about to use them. Or just keep your car off the damn counters. You prep food on there.
Lexyy17 18
That's supposed to say easy not way. Apparently there is no edit countdown anymore
OhPuhleeze 23
You decided to serve "the superior" species. Why whinge when you have to entertain it too?