Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
iliketurdles 7
That's the best cover story for mastetbuting I have heard.. I may use it in the future :D
mexipunker 0
Mom: No masterbating at the table young man, now finish your peas. Son: Yes mommy.
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Comments (79)
EEric_14 0
The drummer in Def Leppord has to use his leg because he only has one arm
theschizz 0
how retarded is your family, you were hitting your leg, not jacking off, couldn't they see your dick was in your pants?
RedPillSucks 33
They probably didn't dare look. Only the people sitting next to OP would know what he was really doing.
lovingmylife84 0
drums are on the table, using two hands.
WHAT_THA_PHUCK 0
LOL! I have a pretty awesome picture in my head of you closing your eyes and biting your lip getting all into your drums! I hate it when I get bored and do crazy shit with my hands or make a weird face when I think no ones watching!
ilikethebeatles 0
Not at the table Carlos
professorzae15 0
not at the table Carlos lmao
rusrsbrah 0
From a fellow drummer, I think that's ******* hilarious. that's why you do both hands on both legs and make sure to hit the fills. it's harder to mistake that.
iivann 0
HANGOVER: not in the table carlos! Jajajjajaja
Tysonator 0
It's spelt **********, you ******* idiots.
sassy_bunny16 0
sucks.