Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML
Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML
Today, 98 year-old mom with dementia thought she was talking to one of my dead sisters and not my wife, telling her she'd better never tell me who my real father really, that I ruined her marriage. She won't have me ruining her reputation, so her getting pregnant with me from an affair was my fault apparently. None of my siblings ever told me. FML
Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML
Today, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her daughter "I can't wait for you to make me a real grandma." I'm pregnant with their first grandchild. FML
Today, my daughter and her boyfriend excitedly told me that after months of trying they are finally pregnant and that I'm going to be a grandmother. This would be great news if they weren't 15. FML
Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML
Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML
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Top comments
Tits_N_Turbos 20
You should have told her about it AFTER she had finished rounding up the rest of the Dalmatians, she might have been in a better mood then.
WCARlover 35
And now we see why the letters of "mother in law" rearranged spell "Hitler woman"
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Comments (261)
Tits_N_Turbos 20
You should have told her about it AFTER she had finished rounding up the rest of the Dalmatians, she might have been in a better mood then.
22jrdn55 15
bitches be crazy! mazel tov for the baby.
HahaHokayThen 10
CBD (Chronic Bitch Disease) is the worst. My siblings & guardian figures suffer from it.
bulgeinmypants 0
Tell her it was her husband.
AlwaysCracked 6
Don't make fun of someone with CBD. It's a serious illness. An epidemic on this fair planet.
zombiegold 23
It seems like my whole family suffers from CBD.
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Statistics say that if you do not know someone with CBD, chances are you have it.
margie2194 12
Should've said "your husband"
insanelyXnikki 18
If you rearrange the letters in 'mother-in-law', you get 'woman Hitler.'
insanelyXnikki 18
Wait, shit... someone else already said that. Oh well, point still stands.
Amaelamina 0
I didn't know that Raoul's parents are still alive!
VoIdemort 0
it takes fourth two muscles to frown, but only four to extend your arm and slap that bitch.
angrynegro7 16
Call Wayne Brady and tell him it's time to choke a bitch!
BrickWalls 2
Ha, Sounds like a reincarnation of my mother-in law. Ps don't feel bad;) Pss She's out for your soul ._.
chelseaaababyyy 17
63 - damn it ! i accidently thumbed you down /:
kenziekatt125 8
Bro what's up with your "about you" section thing with the story about burning down your house, murder, and child molest.. Haha WTF
aw3som3sauc3 10
I knew that was gonna be said at one point of this thread lol
kenziekatt125 8
Oh and I meant to say that to 7. Lololol
evilplatypus 39
162 - That's kind of creepy that you're checking out random people's profiles. I mean, yeah if 7 had said something hilarious (they did not) or profoundly insightful (they did not) I could understand you wanting to know more about them. Otherwise, it's just stalker-ish.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
176- I think it's pretty stupid for people to say that, and even reference it in their profile. It's not like anyone is spying on you. You do have control over what people see. If you don't want anyone to "stalk" you or "creep" on your profile, then just leave it blank, or don't put anything you wouldn't want them to see in the first place. If it's on there, it's meant to be seen. Problem solved.
The_Tool1 13
Anyone have a spare condom?
teyyoshi 19
can you explian it to me to be understood more easy? i cant get it actually
ClassyCommando 13
Explain what?
chlorinegreen 27
202- I have seen you comment a couple times. You always seem confused by what people say. Is English not your first language? Or is something else going on? Anyways if you have questions feel free to write me :)
jayylove 1
Your story was very inspiring #7
cruxx 0
Should have said "who knows" and walked away
teyyoshi 19
#202 #207 i didnt know what #106 were talking about...
GayLordSteamBath 0
63- i thumbed you up just because of your about me section
Tavers 19
What a coincidence! Mine too!
kenziekatt125 8
Why was my comment thumbed down? All I did was ask a question....
cluch3 22
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
sweettpie129 11
I would of been like bitch please
MichellinMan 20
if you rearrange mother in law, it can make out: woman Hitler. but yes, she's a chronic BIOTCH
MichellinMan 20
oh shit #3 already said that. my apologies.
MichellinMan 20
oh shit #3 already said that. my apologies.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Everybody always cracks the "woman hitler" joke on a Mother-in-law FML. Same way with "that's a shitty situation" for FMLs involving feces... Not that funny anymore guys... Just somewhat irritating.
MichellinMan 20
73-then why does #3 have thirty thumbs up? I swear I've never heard the woman Hitler joke. but it can't be as bad as "a shitty situation" I apologize. again.
CryMoreFMLs 15
82 - It's not, I promise, but these overdone jokes just tend to wear down after a while. But I don't understand why 3 has that many thumbs up, it's not my place to say though.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
142, It's old to you, but for every person that's seen it or heard it before, there's several more people who haven't. Just because something's been invented or discovered a while ago doesn't mean everyone will know about it. Hence, all the thumbs up. That doesn't apply to stupid jokes like the "sticky/shitty situation" ones, though. At least when a fact's novelty wears out, it's still a fact and has a little more significance than a lame joke. I find it best to just ignore comments like that.
Dadothy 8
Amen to that, brother!
WCARlover 35
And now we see why the letters of "mother in law" rearranged spell "Hitler woman"
FMLContinued 3
It's "Woman Hitler". Get it right. If you're going to tell a joke, at least don't steal it from another FML or reuse an anagram that's been discovered years before this.
WCARlover 35
:( I didn't steal it from another FML I didn't even know it was written there. And you're right, "woman hitler" my bad...
AlwaysCracked 6
11 is just mad because 3 misspelled 11's name wrong. Woman Hitler would know how it's own name is spelled.
hermitknut 22
As far as I know, the letters in "mother in law" can spell both "woman Hitler" or "Hitler woman". Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't it basically the same thing?
ladyLALAA 29
Wow, way to carry on 11. The letters are the same which ever order you use, so calm the f down.
DataWog 30
Personally I think Hitler Woman sounds better.
FMLContinued 3
No need to go apeshit. Just speaking my opinion. Get over it.
HaleyXx_fml 11
#25 o.o you look like monro chambers from degrassi...
lilxsvenk 0
There's no n
PaulB123 11
I hope your kidding 113....
Jaxx66 21
Lol. Apeshit? Well I think it's only fair since you bashed another commenter for no good cause. At least the grammar nazi's have a good reason (most of the time) Btw. As an off thing- did anyone else notice the FML with te teach yelling at a kid till he cried disappeared???
KeyboardWarrior 10
Yeah I realized some FMLs tend to just disappear randomly. There was also one about a person being outsmarted by a toaster, which was posted today but deleted in a couple of hours.
The_Hitdude 12
#138 That's probably because people were calling her a bitch, ****, and saying that she'll burn in hell. The moderaters tend to delete FMLs that have too many negative comments before they get out of control. Or put them under Flop.
BostonBruinsFan 8
I hav been on whole day, and I haven't seen that one
Sirin_fml 47
It was some dumb kid stealing an old FML, nothing to do with the comments obviously.
itsbreyo 5
Was this a joke?
The_Hitdude 12
#151 Basically a teacher posted an FML about yelling at a kid till he cried for reading a note in class. Turns out that when she read it, it was his mom wishing him a Happy Birthday and saying she loved him.
kimmi41509 10
Omg he really does look like Eli from degrassi!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
150 - When FMLs have too many negative comments, they delete the offending ones and close the comments section. The FMLs go under "Flop" when they have too many YDI votes.
_Oblivion_ 12
152- Is it the one where the kid has a note during a test that has something like "good luck love mom." The teacher goes up rips the test in half right?
Sirin_fml 47
Right on, _Oblivion_.
Llama_Face89 34
11- does it really matter? There's no need for the hostility, calm down.
redheather 0
I noticed that, and the one where the girl complained about not hearing that her sister had given birth because she's not on Facebook
ladyLALAA 29
Sorry 53, so didn't see your comment!
Thabb 0
What about the one where they named their wi-fi network "hack this if you can"?
HaleyXx_fml 11
I sed he looked like Eli :( u guys just don't know his real name do you? It's Munro chambers (like I said) it looks alot like him o.o
MissNicky_fml 0
Ummm #133 you are kidding right, mother iN law. notice the N in the word in.
zaaronj 8
Its women hitler
SmokinGuns 13
You learn something new everyday.
macdaddymady 8
I would've said "your husband". Don't worry my mom suffers from this too, congrats on the baby.
isaianpee 0
You happen to be beautiful
BruisedGiraffe 15
EDIT:Nevermind I just re-read it, now I got it
mfred0322 2
That's pretty good.
Jehembee 1
Sounds like my mother in law.
MichellinMan 20
sounds like everyone's mother in law.
TrollBaby 8
Sounds like I don't have a mother in law. Because I'm only a child.
treborpj 5
198- you're ******* dumb
EvilPotato 15
Try not to smack her OP, you'll regret it. Play it off like you didn't care.
swankmrpancake 8
With a side order of complete asshole.
Calyx_fml 22
Well, who is it?
bananagrams 9
I think you misread the FML...
KiddNYC1O 22
The father.
megapeyt 17
I recommend a brief stint in the psych ward. Should cure her of all her problems ^_^
GODert 8
Yet your the one shooting a gun, got to love America
zombicidal 11
not since they band banned shock therapy
zombicidal 11
ignore band I don't know how that got there
Rei_Ayanami 18
Yes, 126, because shooting a gun makes you a chronically insane murder who will one day burn down a pre-school and shoot up an old folks home. Please, for the love of god; educate yourself.
The_Hitdude 12
*murderer If you're going to tell someone to educate themselves, try not to be grammatically incorrect in saying so. It helps ;).
Meowingtons500 18
Fourteen is shooting at what looks like a shooting range. 124's pic includes a tank and man holding a gun. Who the **** are you to judge 14, 124? Some peoples children.
Meowingtons500 18
Whoops, I meant 126. Sorry 124. And 126, it's *you're. Not your.
aFreedom127 9
Tell her you're not sure, but her sonny boy will still be legally responsible for her love child.