Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML
Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML
Today, at my new job, my coworkers pranked me by moving around the things on my desk. I was horribly upset by it and reported them all to HR. Now no one will talk to me and I'm the office pariah within my first week. FML
Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML
Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML
Today, I went to work at my new job, where I thought it would be super easy because I shop there all the time, and already know where everything is. Turns out, they're remodelling the store, so I don't know where anything is anymore, and the bosses get mad at me for being too slow. FML
Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML
Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML
Today, it was my first day working at my new job in a hospital with one day of training for a few hours a week ago. I wasn’t shown around and I was told I wouldn’t be alone today. I was. I got called useless because I’m the new girl who didn’t know where to tell people to go, or how to get there. FML
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Top comments
rockne93 17
Clog that toilet every single day and show them who's in control
auro7 18
I guess there's only a few options left, quit or man up and unclog the toilet.
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Comments (78)
Baucis 10
shouldn't of ate those tacos!
booze_n_bitches 37
*have eaten
Baucis 10
thanks spelig iz emportant
Paco_el_Taco 17
that wasn't just any taco, that was my cousin he ate!!!!
JustinKirby 20
She corrected yor grammar not spelling
NashyzzleTheN 10
Grammar are important so thanks four doing that
booze_n_bitches 37
Yey for first impressions!
fml8956 7
It will get better!
JMichael 26
Or could get shittier
dingleberrysteve 6
yeah probably that
Kamon97 23
Must've scared him shitless haha
Clay_Pidgeon 11
I guess you had a shitty d- *slap*. We have had enough of the those comments. Its. Done. Its. Over. Never say those words again.
CloudBustah 20
#63 what's ironic about your comment is that that particular comment about 'oh stop shitty situation jokes' will get down voted for being old too.
jsp16 24
I think OP replaced Jordan Belfort.
auro7 18
I guess there's only a few options left, quit or man up and unclog the toilet.
rockne93 17
Clog that toilet every single day and show them who's in control
TheCrispyCat 20
That would lead to his death, but he would die a man.
YourBatteryIsLow 8
How do you clog a toilet at a workplace? I mean those things suction the crap out of the toilet...literally!
buckeyed 20
Well, "workplace" could mean just about anywhere, with any kind of plumbing.
nopasanada 3
crappy toilet!!!!!
Holy_Schnikes 23
Some guys at my work will fill the toilet up with toilet paper and it clogs.
Kyuzomi 12
Unclog the toilet and gain trust with them. Maybe you can be the new man they all like! :D
buckeyed 20
Just letting them know you mean business.
perdix 31
For your career's sake, you should probably bring a personal litter box. You might survive if you have an office, but if you're in a cubicle, your neighbors will not tolerate the smell and the scratching.
Welshite 40
Solution: adult diapers. My coworkers never complain.
coried91 28
I just pictured a coworker walking by their desk while he is squatting in a little box taking a shit. I would love to see that on the news.
LowExpectations 30
Maybe OP should poop in his desk drawer so people don't notice. Also to disguise the poop he should grow some lovely vegetables with the new fertilizer. OP's fresh salads will win the hearts of his coworkers.
perdix 31
#70, and the E. coli will kill them off, so everyone who remembers the previous guy will die off. Brilliant!
Dthsapprntc 23
Bring in a cake for everyone. Cake fixes everything. Except the toilet, might want to get a plunger for that. Mmmmmmm, cake.
Axipiter 24
Unclog the toilet, and lace the cake with a laxative. Once someone else clogs the toilet, you two will have something in common, aside from both being hated by your coworkers! You'll become fast friends!
nubbles10 14
Don't listen to him!!!!!!!! ..the cake is a lie....
Paco_el_Taco 17
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