Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
Today, I was drunkenly showing my juggling skills at a party with three apples. I nailed it until one flew out of my hand, hit a guest in the face, and knocked their drink all over the host’s new beige couch. FML
Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, I brought a “safe” store-bought cake to a potluck and dropped it on the sidewalk while getting out of the car. I showed up anyway, carrying the box like it was still fine. It was not. FML
Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML
Today, in an attempt to eat healthier snacks, I took an apple to work. I ate it after lunch. Now my teeth are full of bits of apple and I can't focus on my work because it's distracting. Three hours until I can get home and floss. FML
Today, I tried my hand at baking homemade individual apple tarts. While taking them out of the oven, I dropped the entire tray on the floor. My dog acted like it was Christmas in August and scarfed at least half of them. FML
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Top comments
JustHereToSayYDI 11
As someone who is prone to falling, bumping into things, forgetting to open my mouth when I'm drying to drink and other embarrassing things, I have some advice. Just be the first to laugh at yourself. Be self deprecating and people will not make fun of you! A friend actually told me how well I handled those kind of things recently. So really trust me when I say you don't have to pretend nothing happened. Laugh and everything will be fine!
Welshite 40
#6: Your name is a lie!
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Comments (24)
jonny201 11
YDI for not paying attention
jentrynicole 20
I think your roommates are going to notice your kitchen decoration missing.
Cinnanyan 9
Hello! It is I, the OP. Honestly, I don't even care that I was an absent-minded idiot. I'm just so happy my FML got posted. Next time I'll be sure to check first if it's a real apple before biting into it!
JustHereToSayYDI 11
As someone who is prone to falling, bumping into things, forgetting to open my mouth when I'm drying to drink and other embarrassing things, I have some advice. Just be the first to laugh at yourself. Be self deprecating and people will not make fun of you! A friend actually told me how well I handled those kind of things recently. So really trust me when I say you don't have to pretend nothing happened. Laugh and everything will be fine!
Welshite 40
#6: Your name is a lie!
RabbitOfAurora 28
Wouldn't you feel the weight and texture difference though??????
whysobeachy 37
Oh boy, that's a whole lot of question marks.
meltingturtle 24
A lot of styrofoam fruits/decorations like that have a weight of some kind in them so they won't get knocked off the table or be as light as plain styrofoam.
djurmel89 30
Aaaaaand your life sucks because of that? Wow. I'd like to trade lifes.
jow96 17
How did your roommates not notice? Don't they know the fruit is fake if they live there too??
LyricaSilvan 30
Hey, kudos for managing to play it cool.
worldclassrager 41
Well did you get a bite out of it? If so I think they would have noticed
devinaww 15
The real question is: did you have to pretend to swallow that bite too?
crackpotL 33
Has anyone ever read Flowers for Algernon?
disturbedchyk 11
I believe I read that story when I was in Jr high and it's always been one of my favorites.