Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my hands away, she said, "I was only dating you to get my self-confidence up, I'm good now." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while making out with my girlfriend, I got the courage to take off my shirt. I told her in advance that I had a sunken chest and she'd told me it was no big deal. Turns out it was, as she wretched at the sight of it, and then broke up with me. FML
Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
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Top comments
docscientist 10
This is where you tell her you were only interested in her to get laid. Her self-confidence should dive-bomb and become a complete wreck, scattered upon a scorched landscape. Confidence isn't built from someone wanting to have sex with you, she's horribly misguided.
EwanSmith 2
used, but not even in the good way
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Comments (121)
ilovefall10 21
Well, you're better off without her. Who dates someone because of such a selfish thing as that? Dump her . She doesn't know what she could of had.
TipOfTheHat 10
I would have said "your not good now, you never were! This was a pity session I was gonna give you! But if you don't want it from me, then best of luck!"
docscientist 10
But with less wild excitement, makes it sound like op is just doing damage control with his ego. He needs to sell it with a devil-may-care attitude.
docscientist 10
Something like, "Oh that's funny, you're going to laugh when you hear this, but I was planning to use you as a practice lay for someone I'm actually interested in." (context changing depending on your expected experience with sex at your age)
mightymart 5
Wow.. What an immature c*nt!!
jizzwold 21
*****
chickenwalrus 14
haha, just had to switch the * around. whatever its called.
x_xSublime 0
You should have replied with "and I was only dating you to get my dick wet." That was really mean of her though. Sorry OP.
me_gusta_eso 1
Tell her you already had a bad bitch all along that didn't NEED any self-confidence boosting. That should boost her self-confidence.. Right? :D
oh_your_god 15
Should have told her... "It's ok.. You're a $10 bet I'm willing to lose". That'll shut her up for good.
Ionodemon1995 0
I've been stuck reading this comment over and over because my mind could not understand how epic of a win it is..
Comet_Candy 23
God my ohhhh!!! That was too epic.
Jasonf6 0
Tell her the truth and shatter that self-confidence. What a ****.
jobsman99 0
Tell her that is worth at least playing with her **** and a couple blow jobs from her.
loveanthony645 5
She didn't even take her shirt off. Think again.
platypus546 24
Tell her she was a practice girl
saIty 17
Tell her she's fat, ugly, stupid, slutty, whorey, or even worst of all... Tell her Rosie O' Donell is better looking then her.