Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML
Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML
Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML
Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML
Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML
Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML
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Top comments
JakeLee 6
weed makes ya paranoid man...
maddybopeep 2
can't pick your family, fyl
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Comments (171)
MissCuteStack 12
Genes run in the family ya know
rangertiger 0
that should be on MLA !!! haha that's funny xD
kelly12333 6
LOL did he get arrested? XD
BbqKirbyAnn 0
here he would get arrested just for running. even if he didn't have anything on his person.
Enigmax2514 7
catch me if you can
Izabushel 65
Is he the one who got stuck between the fence and the wall, broke some ribs and punctured his lung? Hope he is OK.
carlosestrada1 4
he is alright..... or he isn't?
xgetxbentx 13
and that is why pot has such a bad reputation. people like your brother need to just not smoke, it ruins it for the responsible ones who can handle it.
BbqKirbyAnn 0
and the only way people actually die from smoking...straight herb isn't bad..."I don't know the recipe, I'm just sayin'" ~kw
BbqKirbyAnn 0
that's the best excuse he came up with?
portugese 0
HELLA paranoid I love it, hahaha (:
lalalaski 3
You can't spell 'story' correctly, and HE's a twit. Sure...
BrainStain 4
It IS in fact spelled storey in England, Australia, etc. Not checking Google before insulting FAIL.