Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. Fifteen minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML
Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML
Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML
Today, I found out my junkie brother broke into my home, and stole mine AND my children's belongings whilst we were on holiday. I rang my mother to vent, only for her to blatantly defend him and insist I got it wrong. We caught him on camera, and now I'm being scolded for even thinking he would do such a thing. FML
Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML
Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML
Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML
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Top comments
JakeLee 6
weed makes ya paranoid man...
maddybopeep 2
can't pick your family, fyl
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Comments (171)
RMRaidersNumbah3 0
cool?
xBangOut 4
**** da police
xleanne_aLly 23
dope- f*ck tha police it's a remix by nwa
seanders 10
Wow your brother is an Imbecile. I smoked a joint WITH a cop once lmao. And even if they catch you with a joint, they'll take it away and tell you to **** off lol.
enonymous 9
Australian version of Cheech and Chong not as funny as I had hoped. "Dave's not here mate"
Hi_I_am_Q 0
54- I love your picture man!!
FrancisMX3 6
OP probably facepalm'd
dolphincheddar 10
cops are always around my house ever since those officers disappeared.. it was worth it though, they were tasty
purplepizza21 0
now, I'm not a grammar Nazi but I love how just about everyone misspells neighbor
purplepizza21 0
now I'm not a grammar Nazi but I love how every one misspells neighbor
Opium_Production 5
I thought it was I before E. Except after C. I forget the rest.
cc_the_beast 6
OP, was this the genius I saw on the news who got himself stuck between a retaining wall and a fence?
x_KL_x 7
I saw that too, it was in Sydney so chances are yes.
cc_the_beast 6
I'm gunna go with yes anyway...
wizard430 2
cute very cite
WishResign 0
54, that's awesome. wish I met a cool cop like that only with blunts. blunts >>> joints
nickxr1000 0
ur a ******* liar man
TheChampagneBoi 5
silly gooosse
CityFire 9
Face Palm that is all
JakeLee 6
weed makes ya paranoid man...
NomOnShroomz 14
Umm, no. Weed make you chill as ****.
OrgasmicBunnies 9
no, that's DMT.
Uncle_Moe_Lester 3
21 not at first I remember when I first started I would get extremely paranoid but now I never get paranoid.
iLOLatURpain69 7
It must be the ganja!
j_cat187 20
weed makes the world crazy.As log as you are cool with the cops, they wont **** with you.
bored2tearz 0
completely depends on the area in Utah no way. You're the devil in their eyes. in kentucky most cops view it as a waste of there time.
poy2x 0
this FML reminds me of the first transformers movie
fadingfaith 4
...It's the marijuana that's creeping upon me while I'm so high Maybe it's the Hindi that has gotten in me Whatever's gotten into me I don't mind I like your profile pic btw.
fadingfaith 4
This was to #57.
iLOLatURpain69 7
Haha tyvm ;)
TheRealSIDeal 1
Dave chappelle to neil Patrick Harris. undercover brother. 2002. I sound like that guy from I love you Beth cooper except I'm not gay
rayrayray23 1
haha you're funny.
juilly_fml 3
ha this made me laugh so much!! :)
rayrayray23 1
and we care why?
akichan15 5
44- exactly
dolphincheddar 10
why does 2 remind me of the wicked witch of the west? hmm :/
greatkidem 7
haha it reminds me of her too!
littlemissFYL 5
I was thinking more of the witch from wicked, cheddar. lol, I love your facial expression 2! xD
2ndSucks 15
Personally, I like her eyebrows the best. Very 'evil genius' ish.
BaconDave 12
*looks at 2's picture* I can see that
maddybopeep 2
can't pick your family, fyl
strainer04 8
sooo true!
littlemissFYL 5
if the little kiddy in your profile picture is related to you, I wouldn't see why you would want to pick your family:) lmao awe
roflcopter423 0
you can if you adopt
xCrazyWhiteGirlx 0
paranoid, much?
Ldesu 0
No, he can't be paranoid. That's just where the pineapple express led him to, man.
JodeMiVida 13
At least you weren't the ones robbed.
RMRaidersNumbah3 0
6 - wtf ?! why is your profile picture a picture of my eyes ?
BBGxBlondie 6
Wouldn't it be better? Just a thought. I don't really care about shitty spelling - its the juice that the FML has inside.
GnarShreder13 0
yea u woulda lost your sweet bong
8sq 13
a bit paranoid:/
bellakaykid 6
I love dysfunctional families.
nuggin0917 1
this guys family is normal compared to mine
omgcookeys 15
mine are too over protective.. they won't let me buy ice cream from a truck because they think that "the mexicans poisoned it" btw, I'm not racist, that was a quote, it was not my intention to offend you if you are Mexican.
Hockeyboy4280 18
9- Then you'll fall head over heels for my family.
iAintEvenMad 0
Imagine explaining that one.
maggiemay1313 0
it wouldve sucked more if you could spell.(:
BBGxBlondie 6
I think you mean 'would be better if OP could spell' And your giving a spelling lesson?!
trevishere 7
It would've been better if you used correct grammar. [=
ilovepandas213 0
Check their country of origin. Words are spelled differently in different countries.
krysteague 1
you're. So, just to clarify, the person who corrected the person who corrected the person was just corrected. Everyone let's just play nice.
toddlesscott 0
I was going to say that! lol
nuttyclorox 2
idiot
Travis95_fml 8
Owned