Today, the main topic for my sister and her friends in the car was how many ways they could think of to kill me. They came up with 137. I have to spend a week with these people. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I am living a nightmare. My mother is now friends with my wife and my mother-in-law, plus my sister is now friends with my wife’s sisters. All that needs to happen now is they all get together in the same room and my life will be over; it will be a 7 on 1 massacre, and I’ll be the 1. FML
Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML
Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML
Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML
Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML
Today, I started my week-long girlscation with two of my childhood friends. So far, one hasn't stopped burping, farting, or talking about "needing dick", and the other can't stop trying to one up everyone else in the car. Day one out of five. Sigh. FML
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Top comments
purpleamandapand 6
At least it wasn't 138
every1luvsboners 11
Did they come up with cramming a ***** in the tailpipe so that you die from carbon monoxide poisoning? If not, they're amateurs and should find something else to talk about.
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Comments (116)
stevenJB 25
Time for a mutual thought X2!!
ikickgingers 15
OP is in Hawaii... 137 = lacks imagination. I can think of 50 just at Diamond Head...
ColorfulSmiles 7
I'm sorry ,that's not very nice :( Show them not to mess with you!
cheefer 0
You could show them the door as youre leaving them on a desolate highway
causticgirl 6
137? Obviously they all lead pathetic lives if this is what they are doing with their free time.
AthleticSwaqq 8
If you were driving : That's when you laugh hysterically, and say, "Really now? I'd like to see you try right now, since I'm driving.. Then we all die."
ilovebigtimerush 0
Or you could shove them out of your car and say "suck on that bitchessss!"
MssusDolly 3
That's what I would have done. Told them to shut it otherwise they would be walking the rest of the way there. Works every time.
TraceCase_ 19
Well, you might not have to spend the whole week with them. Sounds like you're not going to make it that long.
rubberduckie72 4
they must not be very smart if thats all the more they could think of
every1luvsboners 11
Wut? Maybe you could teach them a thing or two, uh.
ReesesPuffs 0
Not 1337? No leet for you, then.
Omega_Mus 7
Two words: Thelma. Louise.
geusbjqj 2
They shouldve said: attach u to a styrofoam chair, put u in thr middle of a lake and throw grapes at u until u die
purpleamandapand 6
They could have said that. You never know