Today, the main topic for my sister and her friends in the car was how many ways they could think of to kill me. They came up with 137. I have to spend a week with these people. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I am living a nightmare. My mother is now friends with my wife and my mother-in-law, plus my sister is now friends with my wife’s sisters. All that needs to happen now is they all get together in the same room and my life will be over; it will be a 7 on 1 massacre, and I’ll be the 1. FML
Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML
Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML
Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML
Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML
Today, I started my week-long girlscation with two of my childhood friends. So far, one hasn't stopped burping, farting, or talking about "needing dick", and the other can't stop trying to one up everyone else in the car. Day one out of five. Sigh. FML
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Top comments
purpleamandapand 6
At least it wasn't 138
every1luvsboners 11
Did they come up with cramming a ***** in the tailpipe so that you die from carbon monoxide poisoning? If not, they're amateurs and should find something else to talk about.
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Comments (116)
Andr913 13
I'm sending you to the glue factory.
KiddNYC1O 22
#1 on their list: Throw you in a volcano.
drawmesunshine 17
Only if OP is a virgin.
rattusrattus 19
Stab them with a screwdriver, then salt them. No, wait, that's slugs. Stab them with a screwdriver (cocktail). In the mouth. Hide their mobile phones and cut the phone lines.
SexyQueen0905 24
My friend does that all the time. And yet I'm still alive.
Simoneaux17 11
137 ideas..tell 'em to bring it!
newmandotcom 6
That's cute. Only 137. Amateurs. I can kill someone 138 ways with a pair of shoes. 719 if the shoelaces are still in them....
hateevryone 15
think of ways to kill them.
BloodyMary666 24
137? That´s impressive.
Chad_the_Brony 0
Hey, that's impressive. But the real question is, are they going to leave evidence behind?
PaganCharmFairey 3
Sibling rivalry at its finest.