megasniper240
Ronkonkoma, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML
megasniper240 tells us more.
OP here, to clear it up I was on my futon in my living room and they happened to catch a glimpse through the window. Also, it was an old lady with her husband.
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Top comments
anythingmustbe 18
God is everywhere
cr3ativity 15
Jesus is coming!!! Oh wait, you're coming.
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Comments (420)
Zomg_Okay 27
They'll never bother you again. Congratulations!
anythingmustbe 18
God sees all but I guess this time his followers saw a little to much
Bobissmall 13
That's what they get for (presumably) looking through peoples windows!
FaustXIII 0
I rather hope you didn't stop.
copydude 7
While living in SA we had continuous visits from JW's every other day for weeks they canvased our neighborhood.. I finally got tired of chasing them off.. so the next time they came to the door. I stripped down to my tightey whiteys, messed up my hair and answered while breathing hard.. and said what do you want!? you just interrupted me and my wife having a quickie ... they never came back
somename1223132 5
We don't believe in hell and dnt wrry we will be back
Superstitious 6
Look 'em in the eye and finish
Lilacware 4
That was a good idea :)
ilovejgam 0
That lucky bastard.
monmon16 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
JWs dont go around trying to bother people they simply want to show people what the bible has to say it self. If you dont want them at your house just tell them not to come back. If you do they wont rather than you ignoring their knocks at your door and people having to take drastic idiotic actions.
nerdking21 10
That neither works for the JWs nor the Mormons. I have found though that if you tell them that they must sign a contract before entering your house that makes them pay you for any mention of religion, God, saving souls, Bibles, One true church and the such, they will go away and never come back.
SomeBossOnHere 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Go to your room next time??
DontModMeDammit 10
It's his house, he can do whatever he wants, maybe it will scare the annoying bastards away.
hockeyoceancity 13
Such a fat squirrel... how is the branch holding him? He can hold a lot of nuts in his mouth...whorrel
efemel94 7
Thou shall not wank
OMFGLOLWTF 0
Sometimes, things like this happen. Maybe the OP didn't notice that his windows were open or maybe these JWs tried to check if someone's at home?
36591951 9
You should have walked out and offered to shake their hand
jweezy89 4
Hey, there is nothing wrong with firing off a few knuckle children. And I'm sure op wasn't just whackin away in front of an open front door, so whatever was seen by the witness is their own fault.
JocelynKaulitz 28
At least you don't have to worry about them coming back…
AKGirlinSD 20
2, He probably wasn't expecting company. Plus, we all just learned how to get them to leave us alone. Woohoo! *complete sarcasm (I wouldn't want random people watching me get off)*
william8691 10
The power of christ compels you!!
anythingmustbe 18
God is everywhere
BradenLock 4
Lmao
cr3ativity 15
I just remembered the scene in SouthPark where in the episode where there is no more internet, Randy uses the Red Cross's Internet to jack off. When they found him, Randy was saying, "oh God!!! there was this huge white ghost and I was fighting it! Don't you see all of his ectoplasm?" Sorry in advance to hardcore SouthPark fans if I got the quote wrong.
Calyx_fml 22
Oh GOD... OOH GOD, YES GOD!!!! OOOH OOOOH!
savyk2014 6
I was the 100th thumbs up on this comment!
idoam 8
And I was the fourth thumbs down on yours, 161. And no one cares.
therealslim 15
No need to be a bitch about it
lonkite101 14
164- you're right! If no one cares, then why did you do the same? *no common sense on this site.
lizabeth200 4
And I was the 13th on yours. We see what the world is coming too. >_
max_wilder 9
For he (or it rather) has risen
the_anti_hipster 7
It is said that every time you **********, God kills a kitten. If that's true, all of us here on FML have contributed to insane amounts of Kitty-cide...
thePr3da1i3nrulz 4
Kittens turn into cats, now hand me my lotion.
p3mguin 7
******* hypocrites
t_Griff202 1
Ha
LadyJoker21 0
Rotflmfao
anythingmustbe 18
161 I am honoured that you felt the need to post about it but its no big achievement
turtlemanz 8
God isnt real
duckiegirl21 10
I read that as dog is everywhere. Close enough.
izzie321 27
Congratulations #161!!! I was your 80th thumbs down!!!
iStrukk 7
I don't think that's what they wanted to witness, but hey, at least they saw something they can prove for once!!
smydiwannafthata 5
For a change.
iStrukk 7
Exactly. Also if you don't understand my comment, you're out of luck, I'm not explaining it.
BradenLock 4
Aha, well done.
xcarxcrashx 9
Gee 13 I don't seem to recall anyone asking...
iStrukk 7
35 - someone will eventually.
davidisbeast 12
I don't understand your comment. Please explain.
mrbobmarley4 8
It's pretty self explanatory..?
boofgall 16
Lol, read #4's profile. Against homophobes, then he wonders why he got banned using the word "******".
xcarxcrashx 9
It's okay 104. His girlfriend of seven months likes him.
hellaflushfa5 6
And he's working at his dream job giving popcorn to his bum buddy. Don't mess with this guy.
MrRager7 1
Ignorance.
Drizzelhell 3
I think its funny trying to be all big and bad. 7 months wow thats a long relationship try 3 years and and one of them spent apart do to army which is fine we both understand thats why we signed. But remember she likes u, Why doesn't she love u? To me you are not even worth thumbing down. Ur entire profile screams give me attention yeah grow up.
fordman22 0
Da fawk duude?
elephantom12 9
I think 170 just had an emotional break down on FML...
andrade_anthony 0
You shouldn't be saying things like that
iStrukk 7
It's cool guys, he just forgot his bloating medication. I'm not going to argue with a guy like him, it's like arguing with a blonde, after hours of logical appeals, you still end up looking for the corner in the circular room. Arguing with people over the Internet is lame. I have one thing to say to him. Your middle sprinkler in your backyard is broken. You might want to get that fixed. LoganBurrito I haven't seen you forever.
AKGirlinSD 20
4, By far, hands down the funniest comment I've read in FML. And I've been reading them for over 3 years now. I always talk about how they have no proof :-).
AKGirlinSD 20
on FML*... Doh!
iStrukk 7
Thanks :D
naynaybx 1
Yea right like every other religion has proofed shit at least they don't rape little kids
mcaisse77 17
That sounds awesome. You should have just been like "take this as a no, I don't want to join."
cr3ativity 15
Jesus is coming!!! Oh wait, you're coming.
jaredofmo 22
Good one, but Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Jesus.
cr3ativity 15
Oops my bad. I was thinking about Mormons then. Both do show up to your door and solicit religion.
Aug1508 9
They do believe Jesus... I'm one I should know.
cr3ativity 15
Yay now my first comment is validated ;)
munchy22 5
50: I think you're confusing Jehova's Witnesses with another religion because they do believe in Jesus.
Chunkylover76 4
Ahhhh....yes they do! If it's in the bible, they believe in it! And I'm pretty sure last I check Jesus was in the bible!!
Enslaved 38
They believe in Jesus but they don't believe in the Trinity.
Tali147 16
They do believe in Jesus.
Llamacod 11
wait, I'm confused, do they believe in jesus or not?
TrueTriage 16
I'm a JW and yes we believe in Jesus. We don't believe in the trinity.
irishboii957 2
10 you suck
nhewitt02 6
Ah sarcasm. I love you. Haha
nhewitt02 6
Damnit I didn't mean to comment that
andrade_anthony 0
They do believe in Jesus I am one
trollcrusher 17
I'm pretty sure that JWs believe that Jesus was a prophet and such, but he was not God embodied in the second person of the Trinity. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's my understanding.
KK3137 31
-60 - so if you don't mind me asking, what do Jehova's Witnesses believe and why do they show up at your door?
RaVeN53 7
Why don't you do some research before you assume something about another persons religion
ShazzyMrMe 6
Big lol!
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Jehovah means Jesus. Draw your own conclusion. It's one of his many names. I think I'm gonna get thumbed down to kingdom come. *puts on helmet*
Shrike 24
LOL no it doesn't. It's the Anglicised form of Yahweh, from the Hebrew YHWH. It's the name of the god of Israel. Basically, it means "God", not "Jesus". JWs don't believe in the Trinity, BTW.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
324- maybe I was taught wrong? I was brought up in a Baptist church. I've heard Him be called (excuse my spelling!) Jehovah Jyra, Jehovah Shamah, and Jehovah Nee-See. I totally just sounded those out.
fearlessshia 1
um yes they do.
borkchop1992 15
Did he just barge in like an asshole? Or did you open the door while you masterbating somehow
Zomg_Okay 27
Presumably, they saw him through the window.
Jaxx66 21
I still wonder why on earth they'd look through someone's window. That's pretty rude, but he got what he deserved for it!
Bekll 31
He got what he deserved? For what?
Zomg_Okay 27
45 - For looking through the window!
Bekll 31
Oh, you meant the Jehovah's Witnesses. The only "he" I knew was OP.
ALpein 0
masurbatinf*
cBlackout 13
229- so much fail.
Zomg_Okay 27
229 - Allow me. Procrasturbating*
AngryBeaver32 8
Finish strong with direct eye contact. Then not even the Mormons will knock on your door.
iStrukk 7
I'm Mormon and I still would. ;)
mrbobmarley4 8
Am I the only one who laughed their ass because of this comment?
xoxo_cherri_xoxo 6
10, I think Mormonism requires a belief in God.
42istheanswer 27
51- no you're not but I was laughing because angrybeaver made a sexual joke.
42istheanswer 27
I already regret that comment. Mods please remove or moderate that and this please.
FiestaInMyPants 8
51 - The profile picture made it even funnier for me.
ShyAnn29 15
100, Mormons do believe in God
zack11742 7
51 I was dying
nanny1010 12
I'm Mormon too!
xoxo_cherri_xoxo 6
199, that's what I said. The person claiming to be Mormon made an atheist comment prior.
ShyAnn29 15
227, oh my bad, I must have read it all wrong, sorry! I'm an inactive Mormon
maxisis_fml 6
Hahahahaha! Poor them.
iStrukk 7
Your profile picture has so much win it's annoying.
maxisis_fml 6
Thanks. I think
Spicemelon 5
29 your annoying
Tektite 14
You're* ;D
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
81, your lack of grammar skills is annoying.
guitarbeast 22
Answer the door but keep going, that's one way to keep them from coming back
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
But that won't keep him from coming.
asherlyb0810 0
Actually they would still come back