Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my boyfriend video-called me in the middle of the night, drunk after a night out of partying. He told me that he was chatted up by a girl and proudly exclaimed that he told her off, given his status, all the while showing large hickeys on his neck. FML
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
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Top comments
lexiBRo 0
Well.. that sucks, esp. for his g/f, but can you really expect anything out of a guy you are just casually sleeping with???
fuckitfuckitfuck 0
saw that coming halfway through the first sentence. it was probably the fact that you referred to him as the guy you've been sleeping with, as opposed to your boyfriend. this isn't an FML. this is a "I can't believe it took you that long to figure it out."
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Comments (90)
8trickster8 0
Wait.. were you going out with him or just having sex with him? If it's the latter, then what the hell did you expect?
regenzie 0
You deserved that one. You're obviously a ****. Can't even take time to figure out any information about the guy before you open your legs? Hopefully you have an STD now, and you're pregnant.
wow18 3
wtf are you on about? People get cheated on even after being together for years Doesn't mean that person is ****
snavula 0
Wow, look how harsh this girl is being to one of her own! You want the girl to be pregnant and have an STD? That would **** up the baby wouldn't it? Please take your 'death to babies' attitude somewhere else. Maybe you should look up the meaning of ****, but ******* someone for 3 weeks means they have a relationship. That's not slutty and its not the OP's fault if the dude was real good about keeping his girlfriend a secret.
regenzie 0
Yes. She is a ****. Having sex for however long DOES NOT justify a relationship. Maybe you should look up the definition of a relationship. No, I will not feel sorry for some stupid chick just because she is female and I am female. I assume you are just like her. How many f-buddies do you have? Oh...I'm sorry, I mean "how many relationships are you in?"
robertlovespi 3
Sorry 30 I agree with 13 on this one. She is a ****. When you "the guy I've been sleeping with" and not "my boyfriend" it doesn't sound like a relationship. I don't know what kind of meaningless sex you divulge in but that's completely pathetic if you classify that as a relationship.
dummydory 4
that sucks I'm really sorry for you
spacetaco 0
You're sleeping with someone for that long and you didn't know about his personal life before you did it? YDI. Plus, maybe he meant to be calling you and since he was so drunk that he didn't recognize you?
celiba_fml 0
It's actually FHL, not yours..
proud_liberal 0
he was drunk? that means he's an alcoholic. run before he beats you in an alcoholic rage
fyourlife33 0
i'm pretty sure the fact he was drunk doesn't mean hes an alcoholic... good try though
fiicere 5
I didn't mark FYL, because, if he was really drunk, he could have meant you. You'd probably want to look into that before you confront him... If he didn't mean you, FYL.
proud_liberal 0
fyourlife33, that sounds like something an alcoholic would say
skaap 0
I've figured it out.. On this site: If you're an unmarried/single woman, and are having sex with a guy, that makes you a tramp & a ****, and therefore deserve everything that comes your way. If you get drunk, even once, it means you're an alcoholic. If you're an unmarried/single guy, and are having sex with a woman, high-fives all around. OP didnt deserve to unwittingly become "The Other Woman" ..
snavula 0
Lol you did it! Except, just yesterday there was an FML in which the OP was 'the other guy'. So no, this site isn't like any of what you said. Its just a few stereotypical douchebags.
wow18 3
I completely agree but feel a little different about the last part. If she was just sleeping with him for fun then she has no right to be mad at him about this but if they have been somewhat talking and thinking about actually dating in the future then yeh FHL
plexico 4
skaap, The other rules are: If you are a married man, and sleep with another woman, women will vote to bury your comment, some men will slam you and some men will high-five you. But all the men will envy you!
maria12_fml 0
Well u didn't say he was ur boyfriend remember? He's just the guy ur sleeping with. See how stupid that sounds? That's what it was like reading this FML.