Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
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Comments (124)
blackvyper 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your reward was well deserved!
ThatsMyPie 20
She deserved this? I disagree entirely. She had a one night stand, as does a huge proportion of the population. But she chose to make breakfast, something harmless. I'm sure she'd make him some, too. There is no reason for this to have happened to OP.
thursday817 6
This might be hard for you to believe but I don't think 1's comment was intended to be taken seriously.
Rommel1942 9
'Murica
hodula1 19
I actually think OP is a he not a she.
niallo 23
That would actually make sense. Most guys don't deck girls, even after finding them in their kitchen. A guy is another matter.
omg36 7
But OP said "he" many times. Unless OP is gay, she's a woman. Which makes this FML even more messed up
Metallica36176 16
I think its hilarious when any FML involves getting drunk its always YDI....but this time its not. So with staying with the past times she deserved it. I must say the FML community continues to surprise me, which pisses me off. Every time.
Faff 20
78 yeah i agree with you. I don't understand why 63 is thumbed down for that, OP hasn't specified a gender.
doubleddun 9
79... Omg imagine that gay people have one night stand as well, and they eat breakfast! Well you learn something new every day.
silencebabyy 23
you guysss it says paulina in the name. which makes the guy a bad person but then again if there was a supposed stranger in your house i dont think youd be thinking about the gender. you just want to them knocked out. plus he might not have seen her. he couldve just heard the noises and came around the corner for a sneak attack
hodula1 19
Name could also be Paul.... I still think OP it's a he and it was a gay encounter. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
summernicole17 6
Prettttty sure they are saying OP is a gay male.
joeyl2008 29
I wouldn't say it was deserved but they kind of had it coming. If you have a one night stand and stay at the other persons house DO NOT make breakfast, DO NOT do anything more than wait for them to wake up, leave, or use the bathroom. Just because you were willing to have a one night stand doesn't mean you can make yourself at home.
hotshot0185 15
Absolutely classic
CrookedCook 14
This is a hilarious FML, but I'm very curious as to whether the guy snuck up on her, or starting whaling on her like a banshee for her to get knocked out.
Wizardo 34
"Pans! Who knew, right?"
Angelface1692 5
Flynn Rider ftw (assuming that's what you were referencing)
Wizardo 34
Why of course, Tangled is one of the best Disney films I've ever seen :D
NagainaFier 16
Man, I have got to get me one of these!
KVKdragon 26
"You should know that this is the strangest thing I've ever done!" *Clang* (Pan knocked out of hand and falls down cliff) "How about 2 out of 3?" I love that film too XD
ladytigerhunts 20
Tangled definitely is an AWESOME movie! I basically memorized the whole lines in like the 100th time I've watched it. :D
jman26 11
So bacon was for breakfast?
MichellinMan 20
No it wasn't goddamit, why do you think she got hit with the pan in the first place?!
Chelsea_bella 20
She got hit with a pan in the first place because he wanted all the bacon for himself. Greedy bastard..
UnluckyGenius 21
There's bacon?! Why do you people keep having bacon without inviting me?
flockz 20
he was just angry you didn't make him any.
zandalee 20
He wanted a sammich...
purebliss_fml 19
That's an awkward morning-after. Did you do the walk of shame home from the police station?
Solle 9
If she was knocked out, the next stop would be the hospital. He on the other hand probably had to go to the station.
purebliss_fml 19
How do you know OP is a she? Could be Paul, could be Paulina... By the way, your logic kind of unfunnied my funny.
cupcakechick 17
because she said he was so drunk, so were assuming that OP is a girl
ApollosMyth 22
45, I doubt he would have to go to the police station for that. Granted he was stupid, but if he didn't remember then he thought she was tresspassing.
PerditaDessa 38
53, Gay men have one night stands too.
wlddog 14
While correct 60, your assumption is not statically assumable. Based on the current polling data the number of gay people in America is a single digit. And not even a high one. According to the population numbers, it is a WAY higher chance that the OP is in fact NOT gay, and was having sex with the opposite gender. So while by definition you are correct, it is not reasonable to assume the OP was having gay sex.
scrabblestick 9
I'm sure 73 meant percentage, and remember it only refers to the population who would identify on a survey. There are probably many more who wouldn't identify, or complete said survey in the first place.
sonofCali 6
Or maybe he didn't like what you were cooking?
thursday817 6
I see things didn't quite pan out as you expected. At least you didn't have to have that awkward morning conversation.
PhDInLife 8
Should've just made the walk of shame and left. That drunk of an evening + the one night stand does NOT equal breakfast!!!
DjeePee 25
God, how drunk were you both... I don't care about having a one-night stand, but imho there's definitely something wrong with being so wasted you don't even remember inviting a stranger to your house for sex. Doubt the sex was good either...
Rodville 28
Doesn't matter if the sex was good or bad. No one remembers it.
cupcakechick 17
no. the girl does, or else she wouldn't of said one night stand, its him who was to drunk.
Cartera 10
54 - I'm pretty sure that if someone wakes up naked next to a stranger after a night of heavy drinking, it's safe to say they had sex.