Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML
Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML
Today, I got a call from the county’s courthouse where I used to live saying I was being sued for fraud and expected in court to defend myself. Apparently, my ex took a loan out in my name and now I get to pay $2300 worth of legal fees and restitution to this loan company. FML
Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
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Top comments
revan546 24
'Murica
Wizardo 34
The only thing constipated here is his bloody brain, drop him and the case.
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Comments (91)
StEpHiE1226 12
Constipated ?!? Lmao
they_hate_me 6
OBJECTION! That's ******* stupid!
ballbearing 10
Clearly, this man knows what he is talking about!
Martinez0285 28
Well he does have the right to hold shit back
Jag_v 7
Have him sue you an show who you are.
goose12321 11
Tell him to have fun with his constipation and drop the case. See how much he likes defending himself.
ctlnaaia71 8
Give him some laxative advice!
pluto2 5
Drop his case
helmiz 17
the nerve of some people
marcranger 29
Jeez. I know the (insert name of your own least favorite political party here) have threatened to violate the Constitution multiple times, but I was unaware the text had actually been amended to grant all citizens the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of laxatives.