Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML
Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I learned that the IBS that several doctors have been misdiagnosing me with for 10 years is actually IBD, which is not only infinitely worse, but it's gotten to the point where surgery might be in my immediate future. FML
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Top comments
sarah2144 14
I'd cry too, man. Cheese is better than sex. Sorry for your loss.
Gesula 24
I'm so so sorry
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Comments (118)
Cygnus_fml 10
It seems to me you have a simple decision ahead of you; Cheese, or blood. I know what my choice would be.
exuberant_orange 17
I would be in tears too. Sorry OP. Hope you're ok.
bloodwraith96 16
THAT IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.... I can't imagine life without cheese
rockwrench 18
That sucks op. One can only hope for a cure for this disease. Hang it there.
gamernation89 10
That wouldn't mean nothing to me I hate cheese so much I can't stand it but I'm sorry for your results
TheLegendOfMan 4
I'm sorry for your loss. Cheese is life
stefnewman 9
Ulcerative Colitis or Crohns? I feel for you OP. they almost told me I couldn't have dairy but it doesn't seem to aggravate my ulcers. maybe you can take some sort of pill so you can eat it !
Xatraris 38
Yeah everyone is different. Thought dairy was my trigger and its not. Stress is a huge factor. spicy foods have been a problem in the past. Since I've been on Humira I don't flare up as often and can enjoy normal foods and activities in moderation.
Colon_Man 17
I landed on Humira after years of wasting my money on Pentasa. I'm doing pretty good, now, but a lot of damage had already been done. Just wish it wasn't so expensive.
sierrajo09 24
#66 I am also on humira. only thing that has helped me so far!
_Lenah_ 20
Hey guys! OP here. I guess I wasn't signed in when I submitted this. This happened about a year ago now. I was just waking up after the colonoscopy at the time the doctor chose to break the news, so I was still addled from the sleep drugs. It turned out that I have Ulcerative Colitis, and it was more of a strong precaution when she suggested I avoid cheese (and dairy in general). But at the time the suggestion seemed like the end of the world. I've switched over to lactose free milk (that wasn't hard!) but I can't bear the thought of giving up cheese altogether, and the alternative "cheese"s that I've tried taste like crap. Nothing compares to the real thing! So I limit my cheese intake to occasionally. Thank you everyone for your support, and hilarious comments. You guys have made my morning!
Nikitasue92 7
I know your pain. Keep trying different alternative cheese because some brands actually arent too bad. But it's like a needle in a haystack kinda thing. :-)
kodemonki 4
Hard cheese or goat cheese - very little lactose! Much better for le tummy. Best of luck!
janfleury 19
I'm soooo sorry. I would of cried also at the no cheese problem. Cheese is its own food group in you life.
uncle_ssaamm 12
crohns?