Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML
Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I learned that the IBS that several doctors have been misdiagnosing me with for 10 years is actually IBD, which is not only infinitely worse, but it's gotten to the point where surgery might be in my immediate future. FML
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Top comments
sarah2144 14
I'd cry too, man. Cheese is better than sex. Sorry for your loss.
Gesula 24
I'm so so sorry
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Comments (118)
Matt32179 8
Not to joke or anything but cheese is amazing I can't imagine how you feel...
Violord 13
I think I have the same disease. I feel for you, bro.
Sheepalicious 20
Im so sorry op!!!! Im lactose intolerant and still each cheese. Maybe you can find a loophole?
barakicohen 11
I have Crohn's disease. It's very treatable.
OmarTab18 11
Why does it matter cheese is disgusting I would cry because Rn I would bleed
lilacgold 16
That sucks, and crying is totally understandable. No doubt the news of your illness greatly upset you and being told you can't have cheese sent you over the edge into crying, rather than just crying over not being about to have cheese.
sierrajo09 24
I was diagnosed with UC in 2008..I now have Crohn's due to a fistula. So I completely understand :( there are lactose pills to help you be able to eat dairy better. good luck with everything!
ebadams311 10
I can't believe this got published so stupid.
sierrajo09 24
actually, it isn't stupid because there are millions of people who suffer from autoimmune diseases like myself. I have multiple and its not easy.
Goblin182 27
It could have been worse, you could have been told no more bacon.
150493x 29
I survive on cheese. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you find something almost as good to replace cheese.