Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML
Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I learned that the IBS that several doctors have been misdiagnosing me with for 10 years is actually IBD, which is not only infinitely worse, but it's gotten to the point where surgery might be in my immediate future. FML
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Top comments
sarah2144 14
I'd cry too, man. Cheese is better than sex. Sorry for your loss.
Gesula 24
I'm so so sorry
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Comments (118)
Gesula 24
I'm so so sorry
sarah2144 14
I'd cry too, man. Cheese is better than sex. Sorry for your loss.
Vahex 19
You must have some shitty sex
Jared900DUmpling 30
You must have some shitty cheese, 49
TommyG493 11
Wena
MDoremis 38
I don't know if I could not eat cheese. That definitely sucks, OP!
EatUrGreens 20
There are non-dairy alts that are just as good as the "normal" cheeses.. This comes from a french cheese lover gone vegan. :D
kittycatdex 8
I had to go gluten, dairy, soy and egg free for a year. my ultimate favorites are a cashew/psyllium cheese (melts like mozzarella) and Viviani white nougat chrisp. CU is not a walk in the park but doable!
Skoff_fml 27
To be fair; cheese is glorious.
AnyaS 19
I'm going through a similar situation having recently been diagnosed with Crohn's. My favorite things are cheese, milk and chocolate and I have to live on almond and rice milk for now as my substitutes. The pain and restricted diet are very hard.
Colon_Man 17
Welcome, both of you (including OP), to the club. When I was diagnosed I was told that people can live for years, comfortably, before you would need any surgery. Six months later I was on the table, having chunks taken out and being patched up. I'm averaging about three years between surgeries, now. Stay safe. Manage well. Humara is expensive.
Colon_Man 17
"Humira"
Iron_Pi 1
My GF has crohns as well. Thankfully the medication Humira is paid by the Australian Government. $1000 an injection every fortnight becomes just $30 and sometimes free.
1dvs_bstd 41
So you have to choose between ******** blood and eating cheese? tough choice.
Shalinar 6
Well no, because eating cheese and ******** blood are the same choice
RBW_Slave 9
I think that I would choose the cheese. Bloody shit is a small price to pay, in my opinion.
ELoni_fml 25
My thoughts too, you poop only once a day but you can eat cheese all day long. It's only logical
Mauskau 36
Not sure what planet you're from but you can poo more than once a day.
Xatraris 38
Sorry, as someone diagnosed with Chron's, you can poo a lot more than once a day. And it can be painful.
_Lenah_ 20
With Colitis, it's definitely more than once a day. Try 2-3 times on a good day, and easily 8-10 on a bad one
Colon_Man 17
I'm pooping right now! (Kind of)
1dvs_bstd 41
#50 maybe he could lube his ass? lol
Brandi_Faith 34
I know you guys are trying to be funny, but you do realize that an ulcer is like a pothole in the intestinal lining right? It's literally like something has eaten away at the tissue and there are huge open wounds that bleed left. Not to mention it's very dangerous when an ulcer bleeds (depending on its size and amount of blood) and people have died from an ulcer bleeding. So...not really a choice. Op, I'm so sorry for your diagnosis! I have Gastroparesis (stomach problems) and have chronic pain, nausea, bloating and extreme fatigue with it. I've had to go on several diets and living without the food you like really sucks!! Especially considering its added to all the other crap you have to deal with. I hope this condition is really mild and that your quality of life isn't effected too much! I hope you have a good support team of family and friends and great doctors as well. Best of luck!
Xatraris 38
It's not necessarily going that hurts, it's as the previous person had said, it's the ulcers.
clairesucks 37
No more cheese? FOREVER? Hopefully it'll be worth it OP
KinkyMissBinky 23
Fyl Op. Maybe you could rarely eat some cheese if you were feeling up to the pain?
destinedjagold 7
Welcome to the club. I suddenly became lactose intolerant when I got to the age of 20... :(
Indianboy9321 25
Uh...this is SLIGHTLY different
AnimeFan28 21
#14, I think #9 is simply talking about the part of not being able to have cheese. Not the rest of it. I'm also lactose intolerant and can understand how sad it is not being able to eat the food you love, anymore
SirMichael 13
@21 While it's correct that most people become lactose intolerant after they stop breastfeeding it's not random, it depends on your ancestry. In Canada where most people are descended from Europeans it's definitely a minority of people who are lactose intolerant.
Dick_diamond 22
I'd cry too, but only if they said I couldn't eat bacon. I feel your pain..