Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I found out after a lot of panic and a visit to the gynecologist that the lump in my vagina isn't cancer. I was just constipated. FML
Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML
Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML
Today, I was informed by my proctologist that my colonoscopy has been rescheduled for my birthday. FML
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Top comments
mubaki 18
My colonoscopy results showed that I had crohn's disease. If you're unhappy with yours, let's trade
yrkamurka 4
What what in the butt.
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Comments (203)
justagimmick 8
At least you eliminated one possible cause of the problem...
Nightwing98 22
What an idiot. This is basically "Today, I found out my colon is healthy. FML."
snowboarder531 5
And at least OP doesn't have colon cancer.
thisiscat 14
My mom got a colonoscopy, before the surgery you have to drink god awful tasting liquids that most people cant even keep down.. I can see how op would be upset by having to do this but not find the problem.
colliebuddz420 7
Also he had a pipe shoved up his ass...
Iknoweverything 29
Eliminated one possible cause of the problem at a couple hundred to a couple thousand bucks depending on insurance! At least if they found something, OP would be treated, would have had a reason to be practically molested with medical instruments, and wouldn't have to pay money for further tests.
Dr0reos 8
Well now you know OP, now you know
ClassyCommando 13
I hope I never need to have a :oscopy (that should totally be the new short form of the word).
yahoowizard 16
You got cornholed for peace of mind
yrkamurka 4
What what in the butt.
StanSmith_fml 9
You wanna put it in my butt? Ok.
lonkite101 14
I need colonoscopy!! :)
melikesfml 11
20- i have little faith that you actually know what that is.. Here try this, take one of those "Go-Pro" cameras, attach it to a garden hose, and shove it up your ass and take some pictures. Redneck procedure.
titzenpitzer 9
Delicate. Like a flower.
ImWhiteBoy_WhoRU 10
I was going to tell a gay sex joke, butt **** it. Cum on guys, gay sex jokes aren't even that funny.
Nutty4Muffs 3
70 accomplished posting some of the only puns ever to make me laugh on FML. Here's your medal.
CanadianPenguin 0
2- Omge a WoW picture
rockwind_ 5
Up your butt with a.. medical instrument!
geerod22 5
You know you liked it......
MigraineurOfLife 15
Have a colonoscopy & let's see if you still say the same. O_o
geerod22 5
Did I say anything about liking it myself?
Cinderella_Man 10
They knock you out, you don't feel a thing. The worst is the night before having to drink awful cleansing solution, then spending the night on the toilet. Also, the whole pipe isn't shoved up your arse. SMH
stedfastwolf 11
Its not bad. The only thing bad is that I had to eat mostly liquid stuff for two days prior and take some solution to cleanse your bowels. I wound up having a smaller appetite after that.
McMike10 1
Theres up pick-up line in there somewhere...
LightningCactus 12
Hey there, oh! You're in photography school too? Why don't I shove a camera up your ass. Don't worry, it's for educational purposes.
jay2121 3
That there is a posthumous multiple corn hole entry wound.
mubaki 18
My colonoscopy results showed that I had crohn's disease. If you're unhappy with yours, let's trade
gracehi 33
I saw a documentary about crohn's disease on tv once. I'm so sorry you have it. Must be terrible. :( It must really put things into perspective...like this FML.
ShyAnn29 15
I have something similar to Crohns disease, I had to have my colon removed, and now I have an ileostomy, so you should be happy everything was fine!
uhnevermind 24
I have it as well. It's really terrible, but you get used to it eventually. It did, however, cause me to become manic depressive.
Astroman129 7
I have it too :o it sucks. But it gets easier over time =]
kpa21 2
I have uc and had my colon removed last summer. This guy needs to stop complaining. Id so much rather had a colonoscopy showing nothing was wrong then showing what i actually had.
otakuchica 4
Hey, same here. I've had it for the past 8 years. I was diagnosed as an 90 lb 10 year old. I would LOVE to trade
guitarbeast 22
Well the FML may be slightly about the fact that he didn't find the source of the pain, but it's still pretty stupid, and he was hinting more to the fact that he had a colonoscopy for nothing so it's still stupid
ShyAnn29 15
161, I also have had my colon removed, I was 13. It is very hard to be in pain, and have tests done, and it comes back normal, of course that's a good thing, although when you know there's something wrong, it's very depressing!
sparklecherry 4
Wah!
igive 29
Did they do a biopsy while in there? Sometimes the camera doesn't show the early stages of inflammation.
shayshayshazam 14
You liked it, don't lie.
Ruffclue 9
Ye the pain turned into pleasure.
TarieBoo 2
thanks for the repeat of three's comment! -.-
TarieBoo 2
thanks for the repeat of three's comment! -.-
flatfatmat 3
They posted almost at the same time, 3 seconds apart
shayshayshazam 14
Haha didn't even realize!
curlyfry33 8
I have only seen 2 comments from shayshayshaz and both times people hated on her. And for that I am sorry.
shayshayshazam 14
143- why sorry? Lol
PeteyPablo12308 20
Well personally ShayShay, I have liked your comments. Especially one from a more recent FML.
shayshayshazam 14
Haha thanks petey!
krewer21 1
Welcome to the club. Here is your donut to sit on...
zoPwNAgEzo 21
You're complaining that you're healthy?
dominic1221 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's complaining he got ass-****** by a medical probe. You into that kind of thing or something or just trying to be clever?
zoPwNAgEzo 21
I understand, but it sounds as if OP would have been more satisfied if they did find something wrong with him
dominic1221 6
Yeah, I was kinda rude. But there is something wrong with him. He's just upset they didn't find it with that test or with another one before that. Getting a probe up the ass is kinda emasculating, I'd bet.
ShyAnn29 15
It's really hard to be sick and the tests come back normal, I went through that several times!
igive 29
my motto: it's an exit not a receptacle
XtraEzeee 8
37- THAT'S your motto? How often do you use that catchphrase?
igive 29
i have many. as you can probably tell, I don't have much of a life going on, so i haven't used that motto enough for it to be a catch phrase :
TarieBoo 2
even if there was something wrong itd probably still be on fml
ShyAnn29 15
When I was going through tests after tests, I would get mad/sad when it came back normal, because I knew something was not right, it gets very depressing!
fuckmebutdontfml 16
shyann I've been through it 4 times and am going through it right now...It's been almost 5months and yeah it ia depressing