Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML
Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I learned that the IBS that several doctors have been misdiagnosing me with for 10 years is actually IBD, which is not only infinitely worse, but it's gotten to the point where surgery might be in my immediate future. FML
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Top comments
sarah2144 14
I'd cry too, man. Cheese is better than sex. Sorry for your loss.
Gesula 24
I'm so so sorry
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Comments (118)
kodemonki 4
I have UC and I eat lots of cheese. Check out the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. When I was diagnosed they told me my body couldn't process food anymore, so just stick with stuff that was already processed (basically they told me to eat crap food). Don't do it! Find what heals your body, the SCD works well for lots of people, but it's pretty hard to stick to (there are lots of FB groups, pinterest pages, etc that help). Also, the CCFA is great. I made some pretty good friends doing a half-marathon with them, and it was a safe place to tell lots of poop jokes :D
kutemotoka 15
Well... I don't like cheese
o2_idealistic 6
Man, I'd cry too D': !!! i have gastritis & if not treated properly it could lead to ulcers, i feel your pain :c
AllWells 10
Take it from me the price of pain and bad health isn't work it. I also have a lot of dietary restrictions, one including cheese. It isn't the same but there's a cheese called Daiya, it's a dairy free cheese / substitute , it's pretty good for being fake. I would suggest trying that out
LauraAreias 10
fair enough... cheese is delicious... I feel sorry for you :(
SorryForYourLoss 9
I guess this is the perfect time for me to comment
GuardedCrayfish 7
That's called extreme lactose intolerancey