Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Today, at my wedding, my husband's drunk friend admitted that the only reason my husband and I started dating was because he was dared. FML
Today, I found out the man I have a date with next week is married. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I found out that my husband asked out another woman on a date five days before our 11th anniversary. FML
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Top comments
menother 2
This is when you have a very, very serious conversation. And find out how long he has been slipping you mickies every night.
dirtygurdy 0
you should gave switched the drinks if they were the same
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Comments (89)
menother 2
This is when you have a very, very serious conversation. And find out how long he has been slipping you mickies every night.
bettadenne1 0
they should call them floories....or how bout rapeies?
MrsUchiha 0
The Hangover?
bettadenne1 0
obvi
sublimaze 6
if you were still dating, I'd say it was GHB. but since your married it was proly arsenic
theQunit 0
yea what kind of an idiot guy does that? And the let's the bartender see it. Unless it was an alka-seltzer in a glass of water..
Jrook 0
I agree w/24 it's probably aresnic
mfmylifesrsly 30
WTF!!! divorce time, no?
purplemnm 9
they're called roofies
amerrah 4
Ahaha The Hangover. "I dont why they call em rufies. you end up on the flo not the roof. they should call them floories, or rapies!"
RustyGuns 0
lol you've been rozzied
RustyGuns 0
Yikes
jazziue 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ydi for not having sex often enough
Invierno 10
Agreed.
swim5010 0
or groundies lol
fcukyoudoug 0
# 44 dude everyone talks like that, only an asshole would try and use it aginast someone.
Fatalally 4
Wow what a doughebag ( probably spelled that wrong ) for trying to slip you that. You should do the samething to him, except when he wakes up he's got tons of writing on his face, arms, and legs lol. And draw fake eyes on his eyelids rofl.
riseagainst1616 0
u said dough-bag lol
beau11 0
thank you I so agree
InCaged_Insanity 0
Want to "spice" up your love life?? Tired of hearing the "i'm too tired for that" talk? Well look no more. Willy Dayes Here with the new RapeNOW!! The only pill that guarantees INSTANT satisfaction for your "needs". And it can be yours with one easy payment of 3-5 years!! Act now and i will throw in a free yes FREE pair of balls. For those lonely nights after your dignity is long gone and your ex wife is off screwing your best friend. This is a onetime offer so call NOW!! Side effects may include- Loss of respect, and social isolation
justfienne 12
hahaha it's funny cause it's sad. =[
Nabee143 3
97 Where does it say OP and her husband are not having sex enough? Ummm yea you're an idiot!
kittykat1501 31
#94 how do you know that??!?!?!? Answer that jerk
sykes831 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
LOL that's horrible x) ruuuffiiieeessss? like in the hangover? your husband is a ra-tard. :)
noobgang7 5
so is you RATARD? Lol your name is familiar, do you play WoW?
silentfog 0
ratard is how it's said in the movie
treesdevin 0
didn't you see the "like in the hangover" part....durrrrrrrr
mustafa_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't think they were rupies since there married. her husband would have gotten laid after the dinner anyway so it was most likely birth control. he doesn't want to be a father but she wants to be a mother.
SamSJester 0
@59 I don't think they were "Rupies" either. You know how you check, just to make sure. Smash a couple pots and cut some grass, and see if someone will trade you a shield for them. If they do, then they might be rupies.
MonkeySpeaks 4
You aren't married are you. MarriAge does not guarantee nookie. In fact many couples see a decrease in their sex life. anyway he probably wasn't gettinglaid often at all. But tha is no excuse. It is also grounds for divorce. At the very least you both need counseling to find out why hr was so desperate he felt the need to drug you
login6437 0
it's ruhtard
marc33 0
birth control pills won't work for one nite thing... he must be soo desperate to have sex... so he put some pills that make u horny.... got it???!
knockasauras 0
61, your Zelda reference made my day! It's only 10 AM here, but it's better than Pre-Calculus<---(FML)
xhalighx 0
#61 - I was just about to comment something to that extent before I saw yours. Bravo, my friend. Bravo.
KurouTenshi 0
@61 for doing my job for me xD I love you.
bassxchick12 0
@61 that was great! thank you for making my day
Jayodi 0
I highly doubt you'd get a shield for a bunch of worthless rupies. Rupees, on the other hand, could get you many things, shields included!
cherrypieguy 0
#61 is a Zelda nerd. rupies are the official currency of India.
wordgirl 0
Slipping "rupies" into her drink? She'd notice. if the visual didn't give it away, the dysentery certainly would. :p
jpest17 5
maybe he has been doing it for a long time?
MadeOfAwesome 1
#61 gimme a hug. <3
dirtygurdy 0
you should gave switched the drinks if they were the same
imNotWavy 0
DID SHE DIE??
Eddie_Paints 0
You should have made him drink it to see his reaction,then asked him if he's trying to poison you!
MrsUchiha 0
Holy crap.. o.o Nothin' says happy aniversery( some one correct me, I forgot how to spell it) like a night you'll never remember!
pandemic_fml 0
Anniversary.
erlend 0
Anusburstary!
MrsUchiha 0
Thank You. :)
megastupid 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @46 XD
awkwardturtley 0
would your name be a sasuke reference? if so, awesome :D
shinshoku13 19
I it could be any uchiha, like itachi, obito, madara, etc. Unless you were refering to megastupid wich could deffinetly be a refference to sasuke
swagga0n1oo 0
"What do wives dream of, when they take a little wifey snooze...do they dream of making sandwichs or a tasty cheese and broccoli stew...now don't you worry your tired wifey little head, your husband will take you home and put you in bed...but then he will take and rape you right there, and you'll never know what happen till you wake up and just stare...drugs oh drugs druggy drug drug...and if you get murdered by a crystal meth tweeker...well then were shit outta luck!"
awkwardkayy 0
nice one(:
paigeatsflesh 11
ahaha. I loved that. xD
LMA0 5
Haha I can play that song on the piano! :)
mmastermetallica 0
/ win
sammehsaurus 0
lmao :) made my day.
l0v3p4in 7
You got some swag. ;)
pickles2b2 4
You sir, just made my day.
lionandthelamb61 9
you must not be putting out
imNotWavy 0
DOES ANYONE KNOW IF SHE DIED?
zippit09 0
Nobody thinks the bartender could have just been wrong?
srunano 4
Exactly what I was thinking, maybe the bartender wanted to score and told her that to see if it would work....roofies my ass the bartender was just horny imo
rosieuchiha 0
hahahhahah...i agree with #20
BadPinkKitty07 0
@20 - bartender would have to be a lesbian then because in the FML the OP calls the bartender a "she".