Today, I got tackled by a bouncer in a club and handed to police for spiking my date's drink. It was an ice cube. I'd asked the barman for some ice cubes, which I put in both my drink and hers, and someone assumed I was slipping her a roofie and reported me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Rule number 317: always let the bartender put ice into people’s drinks. Or any other ingredients. It’s just better for everyone if they do it. The fact that this bartender didn’t understand that is concerning.
RichardPencil 32
You disgust me! You're trying to give your date hypothermia which everyone knows causes muscle paralysis making your date helpless to fend off your unwanted advances. You're not fooling anyone here, Mr. Freeze.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
You disgust me! You're trying to give your date hypothermia which everyone knows causes muscle paralysis making your date helpless to fend off your unwanted advances. You're not fooling anyone here, Mr. Freeze.
Justkidding100 41
wow honestly I can see both sides to this. unfair but better safe than sorry. bet you'll never even look at a girl's drink again. hopefully she came to your defense
poopface82 25
Rule number 317: always let the bartender put ice into people’s drinks. Or any other ingredients. It’s just better for everyone if they do it. The fact that this bartender didn’t understand that is concerning.
tiptoppc 21
Don’t bars have cameras for this reason to identify date rapers?