Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML
Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML
Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
Today, I realized the only way I can pay my bills this month is if I steal from my 8 year old's birthday money. FML
Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML
Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML
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Top comments
flockz 20
instead of stealing their gas, why don't you mow their lawn for some cash?
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
^ Horrible pun.
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Comments (151)
seahawksfan900 11
First
atkir002 1
wow such an amazing comment seahawkfan get a life. and op never touch the lawnmower haha
raydaly 5
FML no wtf yes
ssbtoday 3
Did they catch you white handed?
ohmandapants 17
You mean red-handed? I don't understand where you got white.
sefie21 1
Are we trying to be racist and funny?
every1luvsboners 11
You are cutting it close. Hopefully your parents won't mowtice it's missing.
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
^ Horrible pun.
Fmlman64 2
Very horrible.
Troll_spray 6
I actually laughed when i read it.
flockz 20
cut the crap guys. his pun made me green with envy.
Horcruxer 0
Wayyy too many bad puns
kyarush 10
I thought it was clever and I'm a troll from hell!
witchdoctor1 9
Boners. Usually your comments make me laugh and feel good. But this one was real bad man....you lose your touch or something?
docscientist 10
Thank you, 117, for granting boners perspective and keeping him in line by being the final authority on how he should post.
Sniperkid07 6
??????????? ??????? ?. That is all.
stevenmx86 8
You're pathetic.. Or, instead of stealing gas, get a job...
Rei_Ayanami 18
You make my day sometimes, Alan.
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Shut up, #7. =_=U
uprising_fml 0
how I so often wish I could thumb up the FML team's comments . sigh
needsagf14 12
Wow there are currently 7 dislikes on this comment. This is what's wrong with america
Ergayles 9
^ wow, like all those dislikes came from America
jeanniebabee 10
why didnt you just ask your pants to loan you a couple bucks?
kamikrazy 6
Pants!
marpay 11
My pants refuse to talk to me since I asked them for money. But then again I'm pretty sure they were giving me the cold shoulder before too.
Harpy20 24
My pants are always pissed that I DP them with my 34 inch legs with no lube. No way I could ask them for money...
KeyboardWarrior 10
When I ask my pants for money, they always ignore me...
KiddNYC1O 22
Pants only give Seven dollars. (Lame, I know.)
ohSNAPyall 27
OP might have more luck getting money from his panties.
Zapzip2013 0
Parents. C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERRRRR
kidtoronto 5
Wow ur poor and an asshole
Troll_spray 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's sad bro... From your parents? Grow some balls and take it from a random person. It still would have been wrong to steal it in the first place but atleast it wouldnt have been your own family.
ohmandapants 17
What the hell? This comment makes absolutely no sense. Don't steal from ANYONE. Family or strangers. Steal from strangers and get caught, you go to jail. Your logic is non-existent.
Torva_fml 16
Hey, troll_spray! According to your profile, you're trying to clear out all the retards... Just wondering how that's going for you.
Troll_spray 6
Right, because obviously op gave a shit that stealing is wrong. Since he is just going to do it anyways might aswell not steal from your own parents. If you read my comment i also stated that it was wrong to steal in the first place. Would you rather do something ****** up like steal from someone you know and that you see on a regular basis or to a complete stranger?
Troll_spray 6
#56- oh it's going great! Thanks for asking.
ohmandapants 17
Right and risk having charges pressed? While stealing from your parents is horrible, let's face it, it's safer than stealing from strangers because odds are, your parents are not gonna throw you in jail. OP should have just borrowed money from them anyway. OP's just an idiot and you are giving even worse advice.
Troll_spray 6
Your not getting my ******* point. Are you really that much of an ignorant person?
ohmandapants 17
You are not getting MY ******* point you idiot. You steal from someone you don't know and you get caught you are ******. As HORRIBLE and pathetic as stealing from your parents is, they probably would NOT throw you into jail. Taking from strangers is NOT better.
Troll_spray 6
Wel no shit thats why i put in my comment "it's wrong in the first place." obviously a huge percentage of people dont care that it is wrong because there are still people stealing and doing a bunch of shit they arent supposed to do. Seems like if you were on the spot and didnt have a choice you would rather steal from your own parents. Smh
ohmandapants 17
No, I wouldn't. There's always a choice. I'd ask them for money.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Amanda, you started strong, but the rest of your argument was pretty bad. You obviously didn't read his posts, or care to understand them. He's not saying stealing is right, but if your parents catch you stealing from them that will only cause problems. They won't trust you as much and you'll regret it everytime you see them.
DocBastard 40
If I may interject, I agree with Amanda to a point. Stealing from your parents isn't any better than stealing from a stranger, but they are less likely to turn you in if they catch you.
Troll_spray 6
I agree that stealing isn't right period. Just atleast respect the fact that they are your parents. Since he was going to steal it regarless do it from a complete stranger. I think i would need more balls to steal from my own parents than a person idk at all. Not that i would steal to begin with.
TheBitchOfChuckN 7
57-The stranger might be doing as bad as he is, but he knows his parent's financial situation.
skoob 4
Clearing out the retards eh? Try a new drug called cyanide, genocide leaders use it all the time... Like hitler, ask him how his mission went. And stealing is wrong period, but stealing from your family is just horrible. We leave wads of cash around our house all the time, only because only family and trusted friends are allowed over. Stealing from your parents is low, therefore sir, you are a scumbag.
enriquepp 4
No not true some lawn mower engines are different
rcloca 10
Your parents. Really.
jackassiddy 8
Really.
sheethapins 13
For real.
himoonkey 8
Fo' shizzle