Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, it's been 3 years since my wife told me we should take a break from sex. We haven't touched each other since. FML
Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML
Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML
Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
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Top comments
pezzlo 0
Sorry, Rob. Alex
Dr_Phil 0
No sex in two years ... and you're still married, why?
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Comments (115)
Guiseppi 0
Wow. Your life is all sorts of ******.
dang_fml 0
agree with #7
carlos_oac 0
Divorce looks like a good thing now.
HyperFlirt 0
Well... you can't really blame her if you haven't had sex for 2 years. Like, seriously? DAMN. But yeah, DIVORCE.
indycolts1786 0
i'm so sorry.
kirstyfaerie 0
i'm sorry but i have to agree with #5 and all the others. if you dont sleep with your wife for 2 years, you deserve it. thats just horrible. if it was me i wouldve divorced you about.. one year and 11 1/2 months ago
Mamu1977 0
It's your own damn fault. She's a woman and you decided to marry her, so a breakdown in communication that leads to 2 years of no sex is on you and not on her. And the fact of the matter is that she was the first to stray, so it isn't another case of "frigid wife" syndrome.
Dixbfloppin 11
It doesn't matter. Cheating is still cheating. OP did nothing wrong, so stop making him feel bad for not doing his wife for two years.
sophiehelen 32
We don't know the circumstances which lead to the no sex thing
convict617 0
Hahaha maybe if you had sex with her she wouldn't have cheated on your punk ass
CherryBomb17 0
seriously dude, if you haven't ****** your wife in two years, (A) how do you go about your normal life without a constant raging hard-on? and (B) you shouldn't blame her for ****** around. you should, however, divorce her and **** every single woman she's close to.
DraconicFeline 31
So...you shouldn't blame her, but you *should* take petty juvenile revenge on her. That makes sense.
Hawke_fml 0
Maybe Alex is the driver of the cab that she takes home from work?
CoDandBlowjobs 8
This guy