Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, it's been 3 years since my wife told me we should take a break from sex. We haven't touched each other since. FML
Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML
Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML
Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
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Top comments
pezzlo 0
Sorry, Rob. Alex
Dr_Phil 0
No sex in two years ... and you're still married, why?
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Comments (115)
24788 7
Get rid of her and you waited two years? That's really a shitty situation for you.
that_guy_you_are 0
2 years? What's wrong with you? Grow a spine, man. Tell that bitch to put out or get out.
Dorque 0
If you're going to divorce her - which you should, in my unasked-for opinion, don't take any of the advice here to get "revenge".... you have evidence she's cheating on you and you're (presumably) clean, the judge will come down on your side. You're throwing all of that out the window if you do something petty with another woman first. Afterwards, feel free!
linzilady 0
You're married and you haven't had sex for 2 years?????? Seriously, how did you not think she would look elsewhere? Not saying she should have cheated though. If she wanted sex she could have, i don't know, ASKED??? But really, Rob. Your wife... 2 years... wtf...
NobodysLover 0
Time to get those private pictures out and 'accidently' send them out anonymously. . .
ferreal 0
I agree with #5, and #11 LOL
NickP88 0
Maybe Alex actually physically TOOK her somewhere she had never been before. I'm pretty sure my parents can go a year without sex (seriously, they talk about their lack of sex... it's gross.) Anyway, it might be a mix up - but you should probably sleep with someone else just in case.
KevinB_fml 0
FYL... possibly YDI too depending on whose idea it was to go two yeaars without doing it. No excuse for cheating, but if it was all your decision to go two years without sex it's a little more understandable. If the lack of sex was mutual, or worse her doing, then she's just a total bitch, instead of a mostly bitch.
bigraws23 0
To bad
8ccheng 0
Omg ya do what 14 said hahahah Although not having sex with her for that long.... It's no small wonder Or have you thought that she might have done that on purpose? To make you jealous etc?