Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, it's been 3 years since my wife told me we should take a break from sex. We haven't touched each other since. FML
Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML
Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML
Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
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Top comments
pezzlo 0
Sorry, Rob. Alex
Dr_Phil 0
No sex in two years ... and you're still married, why?
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Comments (115)
iluvpink10 0
2 years!?!? I'm sorry Rob
robotiick 12
sleep wit her sister best way lol
MIAMIDJ 0
hahahah you are the reason I signed up for fml I hope you feel special
TheTAJ 1
rofl!!!!!
bridgetann79 0
Hahaha!!!
Rainbowface 2
Omg you deserved it i would've talked about divorced after six months of no sex.not two years that's pathetic
superangryandy 2
it works
SupaDupaMouse 2
Make a fake voicemail of what a great night like she did ( maybe even her best friends name) and state that she is much better then your wife and if she gets mad play her the voicemail she left for alex
kiwi2715 0
That is to funny! My ex name is Rob and my current boyfriend is an Alex. Alex is much better, in every way possible, then Rob. Must be an Alex versus Rob thing.
IHaveMyMoments 0
ROFLMAO!!! Now ask if she's been cheating on u and if she says no then play the voicemail and be like, "Then who the **** is Alex?." :D