Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, it's been 3 years since my wife told me we should take a break from sex. We haven't touched each other since. FML
Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML
Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML
Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
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Top comments
pezzlo 0
Sorry, Rob. Alex
Dr_Phil 0
No sex in two years ... and you're still married, why?
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Comments (115)
paddyl888 0
get off your ass and bang your wife!
jsmith1199 4
this isnt your fault at all, despite what people are saying.. shes just a stupid *****
SamFromAccountin 0
#19 +1 destroy the bitch
12mp04 0
Two years without sex with your WIFE?!! >.>
kat0ria 0
LOL wow.... your wife...?
HRaeH 0
Counselling or divorce. Your call. Good luck.
17Master 0
#12 is that for real? If so, then lolol.
blinkingstarlet 15
22 is right, i smell bs.
dontcare804 0
You should have figured out she was getting it from someone else if she went one year without wanting it. I am surprised you didn't divorce her long before. You should have at least had an affair too.
nazooer 11
that blows