Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
LuckyLynx7732 5
Considering that you are a soldier and you have this story to tell to women when you get back, you are going to be rolling in tail. Send her the divorce papers in the mail today and upgrade from the cheating bitch when you get back. *salute*
sanchezm 1
you should be that far from her in tha 1st place!
CRC_101 31
I don't think that a man in the military should automatically be above all fault, but it seems pretty apparent as to who's in the wrong based on this FML. When you marry a guy, it's pretty difficult to be unaware if he could be interested in enlisting, and it's even more difficult for him to get away with joining the military without discussing the idea with his wife first. If she wasn't on the same page with him about such a major life pursuit that would definitely require an extensive time apart from each other, she shouldn't have chosen to marry him. Just because a guy wants to pursue being in the military doesn't mean he should have to give up being in a loyal, committed relationship. Neither should the woman have to let her husband sleep with other girls while he's overseas, in my opinion. I've seen it go wrong on both sides, and it really saddens me.
melibear89 7
Whether OP and his wife were together when he joined the military or if they talked about him joining doesn't give her the right nor does it justify what she did. OP has been deployed for awhile and got word his wife was having a child. How does your comment pertain to any part of the FML? It doesn't.
Factor_fml 6
That's unfortunate, OP, however I have a question, did she agree to a life of celibacy when she married you, or did you just surprise her later with those news?
Faff 20
i think you're confusing marriage with something else.
chrispasta 3
I hate when I forget to establish monogamy at the beginning of a marriage and I can't get mad when they cheat. Have to remember to call it out. ----_______-----
brooks10101 1
What a ass you are i bet you 2 are a fickle unfaithfull person you should be clube to impotency to prevent your breeding
NMSO851 3
What kind of question is that? Your an idiot!
kristinemichelle 5
**** the bitch. Cheating isn't okay and it's that much worse when you're over seas. How disrespectful. I'm sorry
ILuv_toaster182 5
Wow that's a nice way to treat an officer who is fighting for your country. Hope you divorce her cheating ass Thank you for your service OP:)
jkmartinjk 16
As anyone else seen this exact scenario on the previews for Matthew Perry's upcoming show: Go On? Weird coincidence. But nevertheless, OP, your wife is a bitch/*****. So sorry.
the_abigailrhi 1
Omg what is wrong with people! Why don't they have any respect for the people sacrificing their lives for us.
ilivpeetajb 0
1 word DIVORCE
Spark_Slicker 19
What a *****.