Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
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Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
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Comments (195)
krewer21 1
You have been gone that long? Sorry OP, she should have been honest.
R3TROxLOV3 32
20, I don't think that you have a firm grasp on what sarcasm is...
drunkandfml 11
21- Now that's sarcasm
Stumblebum30 5
Maybe because he really does love her and as horrible as what she had done... Somewhere within himself he can find forgiveness.
yahoowizard 16
What is she supposed to forget about
puertoricanjoy 6
As a military wife, I've been through 4 deployments with my husband. Sometimes things were good between us when he left, sometimes they weren't, but he never had to worry about another man being in his house, much less in our bed/ any bed with me. Op, thank you for your service! You deserve better....now, go make her famous :)
weallfml 3
she ******* sucks ! she deserves to miss the divorce party who the **** cheats on one of our armed service men she is a horrible person you don't deserve the way she's treating you OP she doesn't deserve you at all
tareuh 4
So sorry
afropuffjake 9
I salute you man. Keep us proud from this side of the pond we'll take out the trash over here for you so you can more easily see what you were fighting to defend when you come back. :-)
nightwishs 13
Thank you for your service. You truly are a hero. I'm sorry to hear about your wife's lack of respect for you. What an evil bitch
dude1122332 9
Lol I think your bio covers it all.(I only read because of the bunny in your pic :3)