Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML
Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML
Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JestrRulz 12
Thank you for your service. What a way to be rewarded. :( Kid isn't yours and apparently neither is the wife. D I V O R C E
s0ulslack 20
She should miss the divorce party then!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (195)
brandy1 5
Stupid Bitch!
Sooner5oh 3
Make sure you don't forget to invite her to your divorce hearing! In all this there are people here in the US thankful for your work you're doing!
Jasonf6 0
That's ****** up man. I'm sorry she's a ******* ***** who is obviously unpatriotic as well.
Token780 3
Thank you for serving this country. You will find someone better and who isn't going to hell.
makenzie1322 0
That is awful! You are doing a great job over seas and should not be rewarded by this!
TormundGiantBane 3
Then it isn't your firstborn. Don't be a dickstand officer. Get out now.
delicious69 5
There's a special place in hell for her.
erinchick1 7
I grew up as a military brat and currently work at the PX at Fort Detrick in Maryland and have a deep respect for the military. What your wife did was extremely DISPICABLE and wrong. Walk away while you still can. Thank you for your service and I hope you come home safe.
Brilliant66star 17
Oops! FYL.
peachapple 11
She's a keeper. The baby, that is.