Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML
Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML
Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML
Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
You better tread lightly, OP.
ohhhsnapple 14
Username win.
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Comments (66)
teddy4nyy 13
I feel so honored to be the first comment. All of my hardwork and dedication has paid off. Getting the first comment has been a dream of mine for many years, and I would like to thank those who have helped me along the way. First and foremost i would like to thank god for giving me this opportunity. Next i would like to thank my parents. I want to thank my friend Peter Griffin for being really skinny and always there for me. I would also like to thank my pet tadpole for surviving against all odds for over a week. Next i would like to thank the squirrel that lives in my backyard for climbing trees because that gives me inspiration that i need to get through the day. This is a special moment in my life and i would like to thank any of my unmentioned friends and family that have helped me along the way. This moment will be a moment that I will never forget. I just remembered a few other people i would like to thank; wow forums, the fish I caught in the third grade, my light in my room because i wouldn’t be able to see the keyboard without it, the internet for letting me go on wow forums, my house because without it i would be homeless, and last but not least i would like to thank all the people out there that actually took time out of their day to read this. I cannot stress how much of a big deal to me this is. I have been trying to be the first on a post for years, but that has not been possible until this amazing day. Hopefully my good luck will continue, but this is undoubtedly a rare occasion. If you asked me how I did this, I would say, you can achieve anything u set your mind on. To all the kids out there reading this, I would like to tell them to follow their dreams. Being the first is truly amazing, thank you everyone.
Nyx_fml 23
You better tread lightly, OP.
brave_josh 9
Watch him see a fly while he's eating. *Freaks out* "We can't risk this high level of contamination!"
slappygecko 21
They should've taken the keys, started driving, and turned around to say "I see a man outside of a car and I think this of you. You are the one who walks."
Jake_Hale 7
Ewe. OP you should consider breaking up with him.
TheCanucklehead 22
29 - break up with him? That's bad
incoherentrmblr 22
Says Jake from State Farm...
Trisha_aus 15
He didn't go all Walter White..this was Heisenberg.
jamjam12 15
If he keeps this up just put ricin in his food... But make sure his elderly uncle isn't around!
jules_winfield 4
Meanwhile, he demands to see the general manager whose name just happens to be gus.
ironik69 31
You should have kicked him in the balls and then called a taxi. No one has the right to keep you hostage, per say.
webbface 25
Her boyfriend is just trying to be funny, that's it.
punkyboy 11
you must lose alot of boyfriends if you do that whenever they make a joke.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I don't understand why it's such a big deal she had to wait until he finished eating to go home. It takes like 10 minutes to eat at McDonald's. That doesn't deserve a kick to the nuts. God damn, some people only think of themselves apparently. If OP really wanted to go home she could have, instead of bitch about waiting 10 damn minutes for her boyfriend to eat.
NatalieOntheTram 11
How dare you bring logic into this!
bosox29 14
Ok so OP isn't "bitching" because she had to wait, she's simply stating that it's a bad area of the town she lives in and the bf obviously doesn't care because he's seen a few episodes of breaking bad.
monnanon 14
to me it sounds like OP didnt eat at all but was forced to go then forced to sit and watch him eat. the bf comes across as a massive asshole but then OP would want us to think that.
wallandpiece 16
Just because a town has a rough area doesn't mean you have to avoid it completely..
girlbuscus425 5
Do you not watch Breaking Bad?
esines 9
If OPs boyfriend is the one drivin, she shouldn't bitch about him wanting to stop to get something to eat. Maybe he didnt want to go out of his way and use his gas to get food after dropping her off
georgeee97 9
Ouchh that's embarrassing! Sorry that happened OP!
ohhhsnapple 14
Username win.
TheGodDamnJoker 9
OP you should have replied back saying "you will become endangered, if you keep up the act". xD
mandalove17 8
You're so right! His username was an epic win! Haha!
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Yikes, just yikes
Queensland 27
Your boyfriends awesome.
mandalove17 8
BEST!!!! I absolutely love Breaking Bad! That's amazing! Haha! But probably scary!
miaoucore 13
aw thats cute
Eire17 15
Wow