Today, my roommates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML
Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML
Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML
Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.
ICastillo 25
Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.
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Comments (124)
winkydog4056 16
What I fail to understand (one of many) is exactly how calling someone a name after a bulb of vaginal cleansing fluid is the latest in insults.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
How do you not understand that? "A bulb of vaginal cleansing fluid". That is the perfect way to describe a specific group of dumb *****. But instead of calling them that mouthful, all you have to say is douche bag.
calliefornia2 3
You may, in fact, be a douche bag.
dabeast15 7
Why the hell is everyone YDIing this??
Mearemoi 14
Because OP apparently says a lot of douchey things.
Liamj774 36
Irises are red roses are blue I'm bad poetry, refrigerator :$)
alabamajoe77 3
Your a douche! That would be The New Girl.
will2397 1
Try not using £'s. That's very obnoxious.
KiddNYC1O 22
You're ignorant.
GhostChickens 17
Oh crap, give me a minute to inform England that they're obnoxious. I'll start with a phone call to the Queen! /sarcasm
XxskyelovexX 13
Somebody needs to pay £10 to the jar
idgaf528 6
I'm pretty sure we all know why your roomates made it, ha, they are trying to show you what you're doing, and possibly squeezing a little cash off you too(;
Tsunami87 17
*"A fool and their money are easily parted"
poindexter25 5
Seems like your quite the douche. Or so they think...
perdix 31
Good thing I don't live with your roommates -- I'd go bankrupt! If you always say douchebag things, you should become an FML commenter. Saying douchebag things will earn you many thumbs up! You may want a new username. Kay51 looks a lot like KaySL and that name is taken.